Sherlock: The Text Files
by Elevatie
Summary: Short snippets of the conversations shared by the Sherlock characters over their phones. Includes silly games, ridiculous schemes and post-Reichenbach Fall feels. Open to involving suggested pairings; feel free to submit your ideas. Updated daily.
1. The Bad Date

__**I don't know if these little snippets of conversation would be classed as drabbles, they kind of feel drabble-y. On the other hand, they're all connected.**

**Warning: The rating is high so that I can keep my options open. At the moment, I'm not planning to make any real developments in character relationships, but Johnlock will be implied. I'm open to adding in other pairings, feel free to request.  
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**The chapters will vary in length; they don't take long in general. I don't know how regular updates will be either. This is mainly for my own enjoyment, but I hope you'll enjoy it too~!  
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* * *

_Are you coming home soon? – SH_

No. I'm on a date, as I told you repeatedly before I left. – JW

_I don't remember that part. – SH_

Of course you don't, you were with the microscope at the time. – JW

_What's that supposed to mean? – SH_

You were working on a case; why would you pay any attention to me? – JW

Fine, don't reply. I take it that you solved the case. – JW

_It was the Mother, in the living room with the pistol. – SH_

Have you been playing Cluedo again? – JW

_No, why? – SH_

No reason. – JW

_I'm going to disregard that vague remark. – SH_

_Besides, if you're on a date, why are you texting me? – SH_

_There's no point in avoiding the question John. – SH_

Fine, it's not going well. – JW

_Is it because of her complete and utter lack of dress sense or that fact that she's blatantly a lesbian? – SH_

_John? – SH_

Neither. - JW

I'm coming home. – JW

_Great, Mrs. Hudson's out and I could do with a cup of tea. – SH_

Get it yourself, why do you think God gave you legs? – JW

_Please, let's not get onto the subject of this so-called 'God'. – SH_

_Wait, this isn't about the tea, is it? – SH_

_You're annoyed that I 'sized up' your date. – SH_

_I still don't get why it irritates you so much; I'm just saving you time. Imagine it, if you'd ended up marrying one of those girls! – SH_

_Think of all the mistakes you would have made! – SH_

That's just it, Sherlock! They were my mistakes to make! – JW

I know you're trying to help, but I really don't need it. – JW

Don't sulk, Sherlock. – JW

It doesn't suit you. – JW

I'm getting on the tube, I'll be at the flat in 15 minutes. – JW

Please don't burn yourself trying to use the kettle again. – JW

_Making tea isn't as easy as it looks. – SH_

Just wait, I'll be there soon. – JW

_Try not to bump into your date on the way home. – SH_

Why? – JW

_She's going to visit her soon-to-be girlfriend. – SH_

And why do I need to know this? – JW

_Because her new partner lives around five minutes from the stop you're about to get off at. – SH_

_In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd ended up on the same tube. – SH_

I doubt that, I would've seen her before now. – JW

_You never know, you can be surprisingly unobservant when you're distracted. – SH_

_John? – SH_

You were right. – JW

_As is often the case, but about what in particular this time? – SW_

Lesbian. – JW

Definitely a lesbian. – JW

_Well, at least you had some warning, imagine if you'd only found out now. – SH_

I suppose. – JW

I'm going to grab some beer before coming home, won't be a minute. – JW

_Not again. – SH_

What's that supposed to mean? – JW

_Isn't there a better way to deal with your lack of sexual activity other than by consuming large quantities of alcohol? – SH_

What do you know about my sex life? – JW

_Please, John. Don't be stupid, it doesn't suit you. – SH_

I'm not even going to ask. See you in a minute. – JW

_See you. – SH_


	2. Fairy Tales

_Where are you? – SH_

For goodness sake, Sherlock. – JW

Don't you ever listen? – JW

_Wait, sarcasm, right? – SH_

Yes, Sherlock, sarcasm. – JW

I'm with Sarah. – JW

_Why? – SH_

No particular reason, just having a drink. – JW

_Don't have more than two pints. – SH_

Why? – JW

_You'll end up arranging another date if you do. – SH_

What's so wrong with that? – JW

_You don't want me to answer that question. – SH_

No, go on. – JW

_Really, John, you know exactly where this is going. – SH_

Obviously I don't. – JW

_It'll only end in trouble. – SH_

Just do it. – JW

_She wants to see you again, right? – SH_

Yes, what of it? – JW

_She's getting married. – SH_

What? – JW

_She wants to see you again to tell you that she's getting married. – SH_

_Really, it's not that big a deal. – SH_

_John? – SH_

_John? Seriously, you were the one who asked for it. – SH_

How on earth could you know that? – JW

_If you really want to know, I'll tell you when you get back. – SH_

On my way now. – JW

_I didn't realise she meant that much to you. – SH_

_It ended months ago, right? – SH_

For someone so phenomenally bright, you really can be unbelievable dense at times, Sherlock. – JW

_I've never been called dense in my life. – SH_

Fine, ignorant then. – JW

Go on, admit it. – JW

_Admit what? – SH_

Admit that you don't understand. – JW

_What is there to understand? – SH_

Never mind. I'm turning my phone off. – JW

_This is why you shouldn't go out drinking with ex-girlfriends. – SH_

_Or bother having girlfriends at all. – SH_

_You didn't really turn off your phone. – SH_

_Don't ignore me. – SH_

_Fine. Try not to embarrass yourself. – SH_

She's not that bad y'know. – JW

_So now you decide to reply. – SH_

She's really not. – JW

_It's not her in particular; it's all of them. – SH_

Okay, now I'm really confused. – JW

_None of them are worth the bother; I think I've proved that if nothing else. – SH_

_I just don't understand why you continue to subject yourself to these pointless 'dates'. – SH_

Because, Sherlock, maybe one day one of them won't turn out to be so 'pointless'. – JW

_I doubt that day will ever come. – SH_

Why do you have so little faith? – JW

_In what? Love? Don't be so juvenile, John. – SH_

What's 'so juvenile' about love? – JW

_Fairy tales, John, fairy tales. – SH_

Whatever, I'm not going to try and argue with you about this; your mind's obviously already made up. – JW

_Are you coming home soon? – SH_

Y'know, it's almost sweet how domestic you've become. – JW

_What do you mean? – SH_

You're almost like a housewife. – JW

_I was merely enquiring what time you'd be returning to the flat and now we're married? – SH_

God, that's a horrible thought. – JW

_And what, exactly, makes it so very repulsive? – SH_

Merely the thought of you in nothing but an apron is enough to put me off homosexuality for life. – JW

_You're drunk, leave now. – SH_

Okay, darling. – JW

_And you wonder why people ask if we're a couple. – SH_

Really, it's quite a wonder to me. – JW

I'm getting in a cab. – JW

_Really? It's not quite as stupid an assumption as you might like to believe. – SH_

I'm not even going to ask. – JW

_Fair enough. Just don't call me darling, ever. – SH_

Okay, sweetie. – JW

_Seriously, John. – SH_

'Seriously'? Someone's getting pissy. – JW

_Firstly, I absolutely despise pet names. They're so plebeian. Secondly, you're extremely drunk right now, you'll only regret this in the morning. – SH_

Who fucking cares anymore? Sarah's getting married. – JW

_I thought it was over. – SH_

It's never really 'over'. – JW

At least, until she gets married. – JW

_I see. – SH_

_You still hoped that things would work out. – SH_

I guess. – JW

It sounds kind of pathetic. – JW

_Agreed. – SH_

Well, you're not exactly an expert on modern relationships. – JW

_Why not? – SH_

Really, Sherlock. You might as well go around with a fucking tattoo on your head saying 'virgin'. – JW

_Once again, John, don't be stupid. One does not require to have experienced sex to be an expert on modern relationships. –SH_

_I think you'll find that my knowledge surrounding the topic of murders is quite impressive, though I, myself, have never murdered or been murdered. – SH_

Well... – JW

_That time didn't count; I was faking. – SH_

_The point being: I think you'll find I'm a far better authority on 'modern relationships' than you. – SH_

That's not possible. – JW

_I'm an observer by nature, understanding the connections between people is often a vital element to solving cases. – SH_

This conversation is annoying me. I'm coming home, don't text me. – JW

_Fine, I'll see you when you get home. – SH_


	3. Cup of Tea

_Can you get me a cup of tea? – SH_

Sherlock, I'm only in the next room; why don't you just get up and ask me? – JW

_Texting's easier. – SH_

Make it yourself. – JW

_We all know what happens when I try to make tea by myself... – SH_

_John? – SH_

I'm coming. – JW


	4. A Study in Sympathy

_We've got a new case. – SH_

Can it wait? I'm half-way through the grocery shopping. – JW

_Time waits for no man, John. I'll meet you at Scotland Yard. – SH_

Okay, I'm done. I'll get there as soon as I can, but I'm bringing the shopping with me. – JW

* * *

Sorry that I couldn't come straight to the crime scene with you; the ice cream would have melted. – JW

_And you call me the housewife. – SH_

I'm just putting everything away now; I'll grab a cab in a minute. – JW

Any ideas about the case? – JW

_Ten, so far. – SH_

Any witnesses? – JW

_Supposedly, no. But, from the looks of things here, there were at least two. – SH_

Okay, the groceries are all safe and sound. What's the address? – JW

_43 Gower Street, it's an apartment complex. – SH_

_Don't text, I think I'm about to find our first witness. – SH_

* * *

Where are you? – JW

_Interviewing the witness, Lestrade finally found the other; come back to Scotland Yard. – SH_

Oh, for fuck's sake, Sherlock. – JW

* * *

_Well, that was informative. – SH_

What? What happened? – JW

_We've interrogated both witnesses, heading home now. – SH_

Really? Well that's fucking great. I'll just get my cabbie to turn around. Again. – JW

The least you can do is give me the details. – JW

_It was supposed to be a simple murder. The victim was a father of two, shot in the head twice. – SH_

And the two witnesses? – JW

_The youngest daughter and a family friend. – SH_

Figured it out yet? – JW

_Of course, I've just got to confirm a few things. – SH_

So, who was it? – JW

_The eldest daughter. – SH_

How'd you come to that conclusion? Have you even spoken to the girl? – JW

_No, still, it was simple enough. – SH_

_He was sexually abusing the girl. Recently he's been making rather vulgar advances towards the younger child; the elder killed him in order to defend her. It was really very predictable in the end. –SH_

How did you get all that without even talking to her? – JW

_I spoke to the younger sister and there were a few... telling diary entries. The best is yet to come though. – SH_

What do you mean? – JW

_They're checking the body over. – SH_

_And, if my assumptions are correct (which they will be), they will find his penis severed off. – SH_

Ouch. – JW

_It's really a classic move for a sexual abuse case. – SH_

You should probably get round to talking to the older sister too. – JW

_Nope. If all goes to plan, she should be out of the country right now. – SH_

And what? You're just going to let her go? – JW

_Why not? I think she deserves some peace; she's obviously been under a great deal of stress. – SH_

That doesn't make what she did right! – JW

_No, but I think she's suffered punishment enough. They'll never find her now, not without my help. – SH_

I don't know whether to be angry or proud. – JW

_Proud? – SH_

Sympathy, Sherlock. I never thought you'd show it. – JW


	5. The Fiancé

I'm going out. – JW

_Why are you texting me then? You're still in the house. – SH_

If I come in and tell you, you won't listen. But, if I text it, I know that you'll definitely read it. – JW

Sherlock? – JW

_A good observation; well done. – SH_

_Where are you going? – SH_

Out. – JW

_Really, John? Do you really want to start this? – SH_

Fine. I'm going to see Sarah. – JW

_Oh, John... – SH_

_John, it's really not worth it. – SH_

Don't say any more, let me make my own mistakes, remember? – JW

_Fine, just don't come crying to me when things go badly. – SH_

Soldiers don't cry. – JW

_You're not a soldier any more. – SH_

John Watson doesn't cry. – JW

_I beg to differ. – SH_

_Whatever, just go. Have fun with Sarah and her fiancé. – SH_

Wait, what? – JW

Her fiancé's gonna' be there? – JW

Sherlock, you better pick up your phone right now. – JW

I know you're reading these texts! – JW

Fine, I'm nearly there anyway. – JW

Fuck you, Sherlock Holmes. – JW

* * *

You were right. – JW

He was there. – JW

He seems nice. – JW

_It's okay to be upset, John. – SH_

_I don't understand why you're so ashamed of showing emotion sometimes. – SH_

I don't think I really understand either. – JW

I'm coming home, I don't think I'll be seeing Sarah again anytime soon. – JW

_So you're not going to go to the wedding? – SH_

How did you even know that she invited me? – JW

Never mind. No, I'm not going. – JW

_Why not? – SH_

I don't want to. Why would I want to go to my ex-girlfriend's wedding, surrounded by people I don't know? – JW

_Find another girl; take a date. – SH_

I suppose I could try. – JW

I just haven't met anyone interesting recently. – JW

_The waitress in the café below the flat seems to like you. There's another woman at your workplace as well. – SH_

But they're just so... normal. – JW

_You're pretty normal too, John. – SH_

But my life isn't normal, not anymore. None of them could really deal with this wacky arrangement we have going on. – JW

_It doesn't have to be long term; it's just a wedding date. – SH_

Sherlock, you can't really take someone to a wedding unless it's serious. – JW

_Fine, take me then. – SH_

_Strictly as friends, of course. – SH_

Why? – JW

_Well, then there will be someone there you know and you've expressed the opinion before that my behaviour amuses you. It's the perfect plan. – SH_

People will talk. - JW

Why are you so determined for me to go to this wedding anyway? – JW

_You need closure. Otherwise you'll never stop asking yourself how it 'could' have been. – SH_

You're right. – JW

And it's pissing me off. – JW

I'll be home soon, I'll make us some dinner. – JW

_Didn't you eat out together? – SH_

Nope, I'll stop to buy something on the way home. – JW

See you soon. – JW

_See you. – SH_


	6. Dinner and Sentiment

_Dinner was nice. – SH_

Why can't you say these things aloud? I'm only in my bedroom. – JW

_It just feels easier this way. – SH_

I honestly never thought you'd truly enjoy eating or drinking anything. – JW

_Your food is growing on me. – SH_

You need to be careful, if you eat too much you'll lose that figure! – JW

_Don't be stupid, John. All the running we do isn't just for fun. – SH_

Hey, no need to get rude. I was just teasing you. – JW

_Right. Sorry. – SH_

Wait a minute, what was that? – JW

Did you just apologise without any prompts? – JW

_Like I said, things are just easier on this technology. – SH_

I can't believe this. I should come through there right now and demand you say it aloud. – JW

_Don't; it'll ruin the sentiment. – SH_

'Sentiment'? I thought you didn't do 'sentiment', Sherlock. – JW

I mean, that whole 'caring is not an advantage' thing was pretty convincing. – JW

_Caring is not an advantage. I'm merely trying to be polite. I won't do it again. – SH_

Sorry, sorry. I pushed it too far. – JW

You must have some serious abandonment issues though. – JW

_Don't try and evaluate me, John. It's embarrassing. – SH_

Okay, okay. I'm going to bed, don't stay up too late. – JW

_Goodnight, John. – SH_


	7. Let's Have Dinner

_Good morning, John. – SH_

_Having fun at work? – SH_

Have you only just got up? – JW

You don't usually sleep in that long. – JW

Work's fine. - JW

Sarah's going out for her bachelorette party tonight. – JW

She's invited me to go with her. – JW

_I thought that was supposed to be a 'ladies-only' night. – SH_

So did I. Apparently I 'don't count'. – JW

_Politely decline John, or else I'm having Mycroft drag you home. – SH_

You Holmes boys are bloody possessive. – JW

Fine, I said I was busy. – JW

You know I don't like lying, Sherlock. – JW

_Then don't. Let's go out tonight. – SH_

_Let's have dinner. – SH_

_John? – SH_

_Are you alright? – SH_

Yes, yes. I'm fine. Just had a... moment. – JW

Anyway, where do you want to have dinner? – JW

_Let's try somewhere new. – SH_

Okay, you can pick. – JW

I'll be home by three. – JW

_I'll look forward to it. – SH_

* * *

_I'm picking you up from work. – SH_

_John? – SH_

_You really don't have a choice in this. – SH_

Sorry, I was with a patient. – JW

I'm nearly done anyway. – JW

_Good, because I'm waiting in a cab outside. – SH_

_Hurry up. – SH_

Coming! – JW

Sarah says hi, by the way. – JW

_Hm. – SH_


	8. Goodnight, John

_Can you get Sherlock to look at his phone please? – GL_

I didn't even realise it was ringing. – JW

_He must have turned it off. – GL_

_Sorry, we need you guys at the Yard ASAP. – GL_

We're half way through our meal, can't it wait another half an hour? – JW

_Sorry, no; big case. – GL_

Fine, we're on our way. – JW

* * *

_It could have waited. – SH_

_You didn't have to interrupt our meal. – SH_

Sorry, Sherlock. I didn't realise you guys were on a date. – GL

_Whatever, we're on our way. – SH_

* * *

Why did you run off like that? – JW

_Had to get to Mycroft, it was quicker to go alone. – SH_

Did you get what you wanted? – JW

_No, not yet. But I will. – SH_

I'm going home. Try not to get hurt. – JW

_Hurt? How could I get hurt when I have such an incredibly skilled gunman to protect me? – SH_

You should be more careful, I won't always be there to pull the trigger. – JW

_I'll be just fine. Mycroft already treats me like a child, don't you start too. – SH_

Sorry. Don't stay out too late. – JW

_John. – SH_

Sorry, sorry. – JW

* * *

Sherlock, it's nearly two in the morning; will you just come home already? – JW

_Nearly done. – SH_

_Okay, I'm getting a cab. – SH_

Good, do you need something to eat? – JW

_No, I had enough at the restaurant. – SH_

You better go straight to bed then. – JW

Not a child, John. – SH

I know, but you still need to sleep. – JW

_Need? Who 'needs' sleep? I'll be fine. I want to finish this case. – SH_

Fine. I'll see you in the morning. – JW

_Goodnight, John. – SH_


	9. Travelodge

Did you solve the case? – JW

_Yes. Why are you still in your bedroom? – SH_

I feel ill. – JW

_Symptoms? – SH_

Sherlock, I'm the doctor, not you. – JW

It's just a cold, I'll be fine. – JW

_I'll call your work. – SH_

Are you sure? – JW

Sherlock? – JW

_Yes. It's fine. I've done it now, anyway. – SH_

_Stay in bed, I'll bring you some juice. – SH_

Okay. – JW

* * *

_Feeling better? – SH_

Yeah, I just had a nap. – JW

_Need anything to eat? – SH_

No, I don't feel especially hungry. – JW

_Good, because I'm out. – SH_

Wrapping up the case? – JW

_Yes. – SH_

Need any help? – JW

_Perhaps. – SH_

_If you were one of the most powerful men in Britain, where would you take your mistress for a quickie? – SH_

_The clues suggest that the location is in the UK, quite nearby, in fact. Most likely in London. I've ruled out all of his personal properties though. – SH_

I'd take her somewhere no one would expect; the cheapest and most common hotel I could find. – JW

_That's it! – SH_

That's what? – JW

Sherlock? – JW

Did you find them? – JW

Sherlock? – JW

_Found them. – SH_

Where were they? – JW

_Travelodge. – SH_

Oh, romantic. – JW

_Good thinking, John. – SH_

Thanks. – JW

_Feeling any better? – SH_

A little, I think I might venture out of bed to make some tea. – JW

_Don't hurt yourself. – SH_

I won't. – JW

_I'm coming home. – SH_

Okay. Make sure you have something to eat. – JW

_Yes, Mother. – SH_

Good boy. – JW


	10. Scandal in a Suit

_Wake up. – SH_

_John. – SH_

_Don't ignore me, John. – SH_

Okay, fine, I'm up. – JW

What is it? – JW

_We have a new case. – SH_

_He's sitting in the living room. – SH_

Coming. – JW

* * *

_So, what do you think? – SH_

Sherlock, I'm sitting right next to you. – JW

_We both know we communicate better this way. – SH_

Fine. I think he's lying. – JW

_Are you kidding? Of course he's lying! – SH_

How are you so certain? – JW

_Did you see his suit? No accountant would ever wear that label. – SH_

Does that mean we can't trust any of the information he just gave us? – JW

_Certainly not. – SH_

So, given that he just told us his sister had been murdered, why exactly are we going to his apartment? – JW

_Really, John. You can be extraordinarily slow at times. – SH_

_Obviously, he's faking the whole thing. From the looks of his fingernails, he's a journalist. – SH_

What's the point in pretending to have a case? – JW

_He's with the media. He wants his 'big scoop'. – SH_

So, tell me again, why are we going to his apartment? – JW

_His aim is to humiliate us. So we're going to snoop around his apartment until we find something that will humiliate him. – SH_

... I like it. – JW

_Good, let's go then. – SH_

* * *

I'm on the way to the BBC. – JW

_Good, I'm almost back at the flat. – SH_

Are we looking for a specific price? – JW

_Try and get a minimum of £10,000. – SH_

Is it really worth that much? – JW

_John, it's a document containing a list of 'conquests' overpowered by one of their most famous journalists. Not to mention the vulgar details and 'review' system he's got going on. – SH_

_Trust me; it's worth it. – SH_

Well, I guess we'll find out soon. I'm here. – JW

_Text me when you get out. – SH_

* * *

I'm out. – JW

_How did it go? – SH_

_They're transferring the money as we speak. – JW_

_Good. They won't mess with us again. – SH_

I'll make dinner when I get home. – JW

_What are we having? – SH_

Whatever you want. – JW


	11. The Wedding

_Where are you? The wedding starts in an hour. – SH_

Picking up my suit, I'm nearly home now. – JW

_What colour tie are you wearing? – SH_

Why? – JW

_We're going together; we have to match. – SH_

Fine, I'm wearing green. – JW

_Perfect. – SH_

* * *

_I don't think Sarah likes me. – SH_

What makes you think that? And, by the way, where are you? – JW

_She glared at me when she walked down the altar. – SH_

_I'm watching the groom flirt with the maid of honour. – SH_

You're supposed to be here, with me! – JW

_Fine, fine. I'm coming. – SH_

* * *

_Want to play a game? – SH_

What sort of game? And how long will it take, we're almost home? – JW

_The 'How long will Sarah's marriage last?' game. It won't take long. – SH_

How does it work? – JW

_You stare at your phone while I tell you the 'in's and 'out's of Sarah's new married life. – SH_

And the point in this? – JW

_It'll make you feel better. – SH_

Okay, go. – JW

_They'll be married for less than 5 years, but more than 4. They'll have at least two children, it's also possible that he'll leave her when she's pregnant. - SH_

_He'll sleep with the maid of honour tonight and begin a long-term affair with her. Sarah will find out and demand it ends, but will try to convince him that they can work out their issues. – SH_

_Despite the fact that she's willing to give him a second chance, he'll leave her for the other woman. – SH_

_There. – SH_

Somehow, I don't feel much better. She doesn't deserve a man like that. – JW

But thanks for trying, Sherlock. – JW

_Want to play Cluedo when we get home? – SH_

Promise to try and actually follow the rules? – JW

_For you, of course. – SH_

Okay then. – JW


	12. The Question Game

**I've written so many of these things, I'll be posting daily (maybe even more) until further notice. If you have any games or scenarios that you'd like to see; feel free to suggest them!**

**Enjoy~!**

* * *

_Bored. – SH_

_Bored, bored, bored. – SH _

_John? – SH_

_Do you want me to start shooting the wall again? – SH_

I'm at work, Sherlock. What do you expect me to do? – JW

_Amuse me. – SH_

How? – JW

_I don't know! That's your problem! – SH_

Let's play a game then, but only until my next patient arrives. – JW

_Okay, what's the game called? – SH_

It doesn't have a name. I ask you a question and, if I think you've answered truthfully, you get to ask me a question. And so on. – JW

_Fine, go on then. – SH_

When was the last time you took drugs? – JW

_Last night; I took some aspirin, I had a headache. – SH_

You know that wasn't what I meant. – JW

_I still answered the question truthfully, so it's my turn. – SH_

_Did you 'love' Sarah? – SH_

No. No! Of course not! – JW

We only went out on a couple of dates, that's not love, Sherlock! – JW

_Okay, fine. – SH_

My turn again. Why don't you believe in love? – JW

_Because I know, scientifically, that love is merely a chemical reaction. A reaction, creating a feeling that rarely lasts longer than a decade. Besides, I've never seen or experienced love; I have no evidence that it exists. – SH_

I suppose that makes sense, but I still think you're wrong. – JW

_Fine. Why do you believe in love? – SH_

Because I believed the pop songs and romcoms and fairy tales. And my parents, they were in love... until they got divorced. – JW

_You'll see otherwise one day, John. – SH_

I won't. Anyway, let's move on from the 'love' subject. – JW

Did you really want to be a pirate? – JW

Sherlock? – JW

_No. – SH_

That's a lie, Mycroft told me that. – JW

_Mycroft's not exactly the most trustworthy source, is he? – SH_

True, but why could he lie about that? – JW

You lose. – JW

_Let's keep playing anyway. – SH_

_John? – SH_

_Don't do this, John. – SH_

_I'll shoot the wall. – SH_

_I'll do it. – SH_

I'm coming home, put the goddamn gun down and sit your bony ass down on the couch until I get there. – JW

_There's that soldier's mentality. – SH_


	13. Fuck, Marry, Kill

_I'm bored again, let's play another game. – SH_

Really, Sherlock? You just finished a case a few hours ago! – JW

_What game do you think we should play, John? – SH_

Don't ignore me, Sherlock. – JW

_Let's play something new. – SH_

Fine. Let's play Fuck, Marry, Kill. – JW

_How do you play? – SH_

I would've thought the name was fairly self-explanatory. – JW

I'm going to give you three names; you tell me who you'd fuck, who you'd marry and who you'd kill. Then you get to ask the same of me. – JW

_I understand the rules, but I don't understand the point. – SH_

The point is, really, to come up with the most ridiculous and, at times, repulsive pairings. It's supposed to be funny. – JW

_I doubt that, but let's try it. – SH_

Okay: Molly, Greg and Anderson. – JW

_Who's Greg? – SH_

Lestrade? Your ally in the police force for the last five years? – JW

_Oh, that's his first name? – SH_

Yes, now play the game. – JW

_Uh, that's a hard one. – SH_

_Kill Anderson, definitely. – SH_

_Fuck Molly, I suppose. She could be bearable for half an hour and I'm sure she'd be a willing victim. – SH_

_Which leaves me to marry Lestrade. That isn't such a problem. If our marriage is anything like what he has with his wife now it'll mean nothing at all. – SH_

You put way too much thought into that. – JW

_Okay, my go. Sarah, Donovan and Mycroft. – SH_

God, Sherlock, you don't make this easy. – JW

I'd probably kill Donovan; Mycroft was a possibility but it would be far too much trouble to murder him. Plus, at least he seems to actually care about you, on one level or another. – JW

Then I'd fuck Sarah, because I'm just not comfortable with having sex with another man. – JW

So then, I suppose, I'd have to marry Mycroft. – JW

Happy, Sherlock? – JW

_Very, I'm beginning to see the appeal to this game. – SH_

I'll get you back for that: Mycroft, Irene and Mrs. Hudson. – JW

_You're a sick, sick man, John Watson. – SH_

_I'd kill Mycroft. I'm not going to get myself thrown into jail for incest. – SH_

_I suppose I'd fuck Irene; I wouldn't want to subject Mrs. Hudson to that sort of horror. Besides, I'm sure that Miss Adler would manage to make the situation enjoyable. - SH_

_That means I'd marry Mrs. Hudson. – SH_

Okay, that was kinda mean. – JW

_Not as mean as this: Moriarty, Lestrade and me. – SH_

Sherlock. – JW

Do you really want to do this, Sherlock? – JW

_Just play the damn game, Watson. - SH_

I guess... – JW

_Yes, John? – SH_

I'd kill Moriarty, definitely. Even though he's already dead. – JW

And now I have to sleep with either you or Greg. – JW

This would be so much easier if I was drunk. – JW

_Just finish the game, John. I'm not going to read into your answer. – SH_

Fine. I'd fuck Greg and marry you. – JW

_And may I enquire as to why? – SH_

It sounds incredibly camp and I'm sure I'll regret this in the morning, but I can truly imagine spending the rest of my life with you, though not in a romantic sense. – JW

_I see. – SH_

Boredom gone? – JW

_Boredom gone. – SH_

Good. I'm going to bed now. – JW

_Goodnight, John. – SH_


	14. Two Truths, One Lie

_John! I found another game for us to play! – SH_

Sherlock, it's six in the morning, let me sleep. – JW

_Not unless you play the game. – SH_

I'll just turn off my phone and go back to sleep. – JW

_And I'll just come in and wake you up again. – SH_

Fine, if I play for a while, will you let me sleep? - JW

_Yes. – SH_

What's the game? – JW

_It's called '2 truths, 1 lie'. Know it? – SH_

Yeah, I know it. Do you want to go first? – JW

_I shall. – SH_

_As a child, I looked up to Mycroft; I once watched five seasons of 'The Maury Show' in one sitting and I've never been inside a nightclub. – SH_

That's easy; you never looked up to Mycroft. – JW

_Well done, John. Your turn. – SH_

I considered moving in with Sarah; I once had an affair with one of my sister's girlfriends and I thought, for a while, that I had a crush on Molly. – JW

_Really, John, you could at least try to make it difficult. – SH_

_You obviously never felt attracted to Molly. – SH_

_Still, I'm rather surprised that you had the guts to betray your sister. Then again, your relationship does seem extremely... abnormal. – SH_

It was a long time ago, I regret it with every fibre of my being. – JW

_We'll have to discuss this further one day. – SH_

Happy? – JW

What I mean is: can I go to bed now? – JW

_Fine. You'll be irritable this afternoon if you don't. – SH_

Goodnight, Sherlock. – JW

_Goodnight, John. – SH_


	15. Sloppy Texting

_John. Tea. – SH_

Getting rather sloppy with the texting, aren't we, Sherlock? – JW

_Mrs. Hudson is either out or not responding. Tea. Now. – SH_

Fine, fine. – JW


	16. Paris: Part 1

Harry's been in contact. – JW

_Again? How thrilling. – SH_

She wants me to go on holiday with her. – JW

_Our work schedule's pretty full right now, John. – SH_

What do you mean 'our'? You'll do fine without me for a week or so. You did it before. – JW

_It's still not preferable. – SH_

Preferable or not, I'm going to Paris next week. - JW

_Fine, but you have to keep in contact. – SH_

I can live with that. – JW

_Good. I'll be home in an hour. – SH_

Okay, dinner will be done soon, don't be late. – JW

* * *

We're arriving at the airport, I'll have to turn off my phone soon. – JW

_When's your flight? – SH_

We board at ten and leave at half past. – JW

_Going straight to security? – SH_

Yeah, I'm going to turn off my phone. I'll text when we get to our gate. – JW

* * *

I'm coming home. – JW

_Why? What happened? – SH_

Turns out that Harry isn't as clean as she said. It seems that she's picked up a nasty drug habit on top of the whole alcoholic thing. – JW

_Didn't get through security? – SH_

Nope. – JW

_Well, have no fear, John. – SH_

_I just so happen to have booked a ticket on that same exact flight. I'm on my way to the gate now. – SH_

Wait, what? – JW

Fuck, you knew that she wouldn't get through, didn't you? – JW

_I may have had an inkling or two. – SH_

_I'm sorry. You must be disappointed. – SH_

Disappointed; yes. Surprised; no. – JW

I should've seen this coming. – JW

_You weren't to know, John. – SH_

_At least your ticket isn't wasted. – SH_

_There are many things we can do in Paris. You, yourself, speak a little French, do you not? – SH_

I suppose you're right. Still, I would've loved for Harry to have come. – JW

_I'll make it up to you. – SH_

_I promise. – SH_

I see you now. I'm outside the WHSmith's. – JW

_Right you are. – SH_


	17. Paris: Part 2

Where are you? We lost each other somewhere between getting off the plane and picking up our bags. – JW

_I'm outside, I'll call us a cab. – SH_

Okay, give me a minute. – JW

* * *

I suppose I should probably say thank you. – JW

_Why would you want to do that? – SH_

You could've just left me to go on this trip alone. – JW

But you didn't. – JW

Thank you. – JW

_My pleasure. - SH_

_Goodnight, John. – SH_

* * *

Where are you? – JW

_Did you just wake up? – SH_

Yes, and you're gone, where are you? – JW

_Getting breakfast. – SH_

You didn't have to do that. – JW

_I told you I'd make it up to you. – SH_

_I'll be back in a minute. – SH_

* * *

Breakfast was nice. – JW

_It was, wasn't it? – SH_

Modest as ever, Holmes. – JW

_No problem whatsoever, Watson. – SH_


	18. Paris: Part 3

_Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir? – SH_

Non monsieur, tu es ivre. – JW

_S'il vous plaît ? – SH_

Non monsieur, allez au lit. – JW

_Bonsoir, Jean. – SH_

Bonsoir, monsieur. – JW

* * *

_My head hurts, where are you? – SH_

At the chemist; you'll need something for that hangover if we're going to get anything done today. – JW

You drank way too much last night. – JW

_You should have stopped me. – SH_

I thought you'd handle your alcohol better. – JW

_Apparently not, looking at the texts I sent you last night. – SH_

Yeah... let's just pretend that never happened. – JW

_Fair enough. – SH_

_Pick up some breakfast on your way home. – SH_

Yes, your majesty. – JW

* * *

_Hurry up. – SH_

I'm in the shower, Sherlock! – JW

_Don't make me come in there. – SH_

_You know I will. – SH_

The door's locked. – JW

_Like I'd let that stop me. – SH_

Fine, I'm nearly done anyway. – JW

_Good, we're going to be late. – SH_

To what? – JW

_The opera. – SH_

How did you get tickets to the opera? – JW

Wait, no, let me guess. – JW

Mycroft? – JW

_A good deduction, John, and the correct one at that. – SH_

I'm not completely useless. – JW

_No, just mainly. Now hurry up! – SH_

Okay, already! I'm coming out! – JW

* * *

_That was nice. – SH_

I'm sitting beside you in the cab, Sherlock, just say it aloud. – JW

_Texting's easier. – SH_

Whatever. – JW

How's the headache? – JW

_Better. – SH_

_I'm never drinking alcohol again. – SH_

We'll see. – JW

I should bring you down for a pint with Greg, he'd have a whale of a time taking pictures of you for his buddies on the force. – JW

_Not happening. - SH_

* * *

**Translation of the French:**

(_I apologise if my French is incorrect, I'm a little rusty; feel free to correct it._)

_You want to sleep with me tonight? - SH_

No sir, you are drunk. - JW

_Please? - SH_

No sir, go to bed. - JW

_Goodnight, John. - SH_

Goodnight, sir. - JW


	19. Paris: Part 4

Sherlock, I've discovered something slightly worrying. – JW

_What is it John? – SH_

It seems that we have... fans. – JW

_Well, that's not exactly new. – SH_

_Are you feeling okay? – SH_

Yes, I'm fine. – JW

What I mean is, people are fans of 'us'. – JW

As in, us, as a couple. – JW

Romantically. – JW

And, from looks of some of these websites, sexually. – JW

_I can't believe it took you this long to notice. – SH_

You mean you already knew about this? – JW

_Yes. – SH_

It's creepy! – JW

_It's called: real people shipping. – SH_

_It's really not that uncommon nowadays. – SH_

That doesn't make it any less creepy! – JW

_Get over it John, it's not going away. – SH_

_Let's just enjoy Paris a little longer; we're going home tomorrow. – SH_

Fine, but I'm not happy about this. – JW

_I can tell. – SH_

_Goodnight, John. – SH_

Goodnight. – JW


	20. Paris: Part 5

_I need to go back on an earlier flight. – SH_

Why? – JW

_Lestrade got in contact; interesting case. – SH_

Can't it wait? – JW

It's our last day. – JW

_I... I suppose. Yes, it can wait. – SH_

_But when we get back, it's straight back to work. – SH_

Fine. – JW

Thank you, Sherlock. – JW

* * *

Was it worth waiting the extra couple of hours? – JW

_Yes. This case just got a lot more interesting. – SH_

Still, it's a shame that you had to rush straight to the scene. – JW

_You should have come with me, John. – SH_

Someone has to unpack. – JW

_Leave it for Mrs Hudson. I'll send you a cab now. – SH_

Great. – JW


	21. The Aftermath

Harry's left some messages on the answer machine. – JW

_What did she say? – SH_

Well, at first she was angry because it seems she caught sight of you in the airport. She thinks you set the whole thing up. – JW

Then she was apologetic, because she realised the whole thing was her fault anyway. – JW

And now she wants to meet up again. – JW

_Are you going to? – SH_

I don't know. I don't think I want to. – JW

_We can talk about it later. Are you nearly here? – SH_

Yes, just a minute. – JW

* * *

I'm heading back now, we're making no progress here. – JW

_No, stay a little longer. – SH_

I'm going home to make tea. – JW

Sherlock? - JW

_Wait for me. – SH_

_I'm coming with you. – SH_


	22. Truth or Dare

_John, I'm bored. – SH_

But you haven't even finished this case yet! – JW

_Bored. – SH_

For goodness sake, Sherlock. – JW

If you want to play a game, you don't have to make an excuse. – JW

Just act like a normal human being for once. – JW

_I think you'll find, John, that there is nothing 'normal' about me. – SH_

Fine. What do you want to play? – JW

_I don't know, you choose. – SH_

_Something new. – SH_

Well that helps. – JW

Le't play Truth or Dare then. – JW

_How do you play? – SH_

Again, the title's pretty self-explanatory. – JW

You pick truth or dare. Then answer the question or complete the dare. If you don't complete the dare; you have to answer a question. – JW

_I see. – SH_

_I'll go first. – SH_

Okay, truth or dare? – JW

_Dare. – SH_

_I should've known. – JW_

Okay, text Lestrade and tell him that you slept with 'The Woman'. – JW

_Is that all? – SH_

_Done. – SH_

_Okay, truth or dare? – SH_

Truth. – JW

_Really? For a soldier, you're not really very daring, John. – SH_

I'm not a soldier anymore, remember? You pointed it out to me yourself quite recently. – JW

_Fine: when did you lose your virginity and to whom? – SH_

That's kind of personal. And, anyway, you can only ask one question at a time. – JW

I lost my virginity at 21. – JW

_Interesting. – SH_

Not really. JW

Truth or dare? – JW

_Truth. – SH_

Were you really, honestly, not attracted to Irene? – JW

_Of course not. She was intriguing, a worthy opponent, but I don't do anything more than that. I'm not looking for anything more than that. – SH_

I suppose that makes sense. – JW

_Truth or dare? – SH_

Truth. – JW

_Oh, come on, John. Show a little courage. – SH_

Maybe later. – JW

_Fine. Do you resent me for driving away all of your girlfriends? – SH_

That's a tough one. – JW

I feel like I should. – JW

But I don't. – JW

I mean, if they're looking for a serious relationship with me, they have to accept you too. We're sort of a package deal, you and I. Still, I don't think you'll ever let me go. Not now. – JW

_An excellent deduction, John. – SH_

That doesn't mean I'm happy about it. – JW

Anyway, let's get on with this damn game. Truth or dare? – JW

_Truth. – SH_

Oh, come on, Sherlock. Show a little courage. – JW

_Get on with it, Watson. – SH_

Fine. Why are you so against me having a relationship? – JW

_Easy; because I know what sort of man you are. – SH_

What does that mean? – JW

_It means that you're the type of guy who will commit to a woman easily; get married, have kids; the whole boring nine yards. And we all know what comes with that. – SH_

What? – JW

_You leave. And everything goes back to the way it was before. – SH_

What's so wrong with that? Things were okay before, right? – JW

_'Okay'; yes. But things are good now. I'd have good over 'okay' any day. – SH_

_You make things easier. – SH_

Was that a compliment? – JW

_It's the closest thing you'll get to one. – SH_

Well, thank you. – JW

But, Sherlock, things would never really go back to the way they were before. I'd never completely leave you. – JW

_We'll see about that. – SH_

_Truth or dare? – SH_

Dare. – JW

_Getting serious now? – SH_

It seems so. – JW

_I dare you to go and tell Mrs. Hudson that her new boyfriend is using her for her money. – SH_

Why on earth would you want me to do that? – JW

_She needs to know before she buys him that house. Besides, now she'll hate you and not me. – SH_

I hate you Sherlock Holmes. – JW

_Of course you do, John, of course you do. – SH_

_Done? – SH_

_John? – SH_

Done. She's crying over the phone now. – JW

That was horrible, Sherlock. – JW

_She needed to know. – SH_

Still, couldn't you have thought of a better way of letting her know? – JW

_It was more convenient to do it this way. – SH_

I'll get you back for that. Truth or dare? – JW

_Dare. – SH_

Ooh, someone grew a pair. – JW

_Pair of what? – SH_

Never mind. – JW

I dare you to call Sarah and tell her that the reason you were so cruel to her was because you've secretly been hiding a crush on her. – JW

_Phone number? – SH_

07892836729 – JW

_I hate you. – SH_

Of course you do, Sherlock, of course you do. – JW

Tired yet? – JW

_No, just hungry. – SH_

Hungry for what? I can make something if you want. – JW

_Hungry for revenge, John. – SH_

_Can you make some of that? – SH_

_Truth or dare? – SH_

Truth. – JW

_Lost all your guts already, John? – SH_

It's not all about guts, Sherlock. It's all in the strategy. – JW

_Strategy? Why on earth would you need strategy with this game? – SH_

Shut up and just ask me a goddamn question. – JW

_Okay, no need to get touchy. – SH_

_Why are you so adverse to people seeing us as a couple? – SH_

I should really be asking why you aren't. – JW

Because I'm not gay and it bothers me when people perceive me as being so. – JW

That doesn't mean I'm a homophobe. – JW

_Or does it? – SH_

_John? - SH_

That's another question. It'll have to wait. – JW

I'm tired; I'm going to bed now. – JW

_Can't you just stay up a little longer? – SH_

No, goodnight, Sherlock. – JW

_Goodnight, John. – SH_


	23. The Reason

Why did you become a detective, Sherlock? – JW

_To solve crimes. – SH_

_What's brought this on? I'm kind of busy, John. – SH_

I talked about it with Mycroft once, albeit briefly. – JW

I was thinking about it again and it got me curious. There must be a reason beyond that. – JW

_It was better than the alternatives. – SH_

_Happy? – SH_

Not really. – JW

_Why not? – SH_

I just thought it'd be deeper than that. Like you wanted to help people or because you were passionate about justice. – JW

_It doesn't get much deeper than that. – SH_

_It solved my greatest problem. – SH_

What's that? – JW

_Boredom. – SH_

How come you still moan about being bored all the time then? – JW

_As I said before, better than the alternatives. – SH_

_Hm. – JW_

_You're disappointed, aren't you? – SH_

Would you be offended if I said yes? – JW

_No. – SH_

Don't lie, Sherlock. – JW

_I'm not. – SH_


	24. Pancakes

_I want pancakes. – SH_

You'll have to wait. I'll be home in an hour. – JW

Don't you dare try and make them yourself. – JW

_It doesn't look so hard. – SH_

Sherlock, don't. – JW

_Fine, fine. Just hurry up. – SH_


	25. Fanfiction

_We have mail. – SH_

We always have mail, what's so different about this mail? – JW

_It's fanmail. – SH_

We usually just throw that stuff away. – JW

_Oh. Well I read it this time. – SH_

_It's something called 'fanfiction' apparently. – SH_

Do I want to know? – JW

_Probably not. – SH_

Then wait in the kitchen. I'm nearly home. – JW


	26. Mycroft

_Where are you? You were in the kitchen one second, then you were gone. – SH_

Mycroft. – JW

_I should've known. – SH_

* * *

_Is he done yet? – SH_

_John? – SH_

_I'll take that as a 'no'. – SH_

Yeah, sorry, he's done. – JW

_Where are you? – SH_

I'm not quite sure. – JW

I don't see any cabs. – JW

_Stay where you are. Tell me what you see. – SH_

I see the London eye in the distance. There's loads of graffiti. The buildings look like abandoned factories. – JW

_Brick colour? – SH_

Red. – JW

_I'm on it. – SH_

Homeless network? – JW

_What else? – SH_


	27. The Second Reason

_Why did you become a doctor? – SH_

Why do you ask? – JW

_I'm allowed to be curious, aren't I? – SH_

I suppose. Though I've become accustomed to the fact that each of your actions has ulterior motives behind it. – JW

_Oh, John. Don't be so cruel. – SH_

Whatever. – JW

Alcoholism isn't a problem specific to Harry; I've always suspected that she 'inherited' it from my father. I doubt that either of them will ever fully recover, though I live in hope. – JW

I suppose the reason I became a doctor was because I wanted to heal people who truly wanted to be helped. – JW

_I see. – SH_

_So that's the sort of 'deep' answer you were looking for before. – SH_

I guess. – JW

I'm deep enough for the both of us. – JW

_That sounds about right. – SH_

_It's almost sweet. – SH_

_Almost. – SH_


	28. A Second Appearance

_How is he? – MH_

Fine, as usual. – JW

_No changes? - MH_

He's certainly eating more, but I fail to see how that could be a problem. – JW

_That's a good sign. – MH_

I can't say I understand it. I haven't been doing anything differently. – JW

_It's not the food, John. It's the person who's making it. – MH_

What does that mean? – JW

_He's becoming more acclimated to you, John, and your behaviour, it seems. – MH_

_He's becoming more 'attached', you might say. – MH_

That sounds worrying. – JW

_Why should it be 'worrying'? – MH_

Do you think he'd ever let me leave? – JW

_He'd never 'let' you. – MH_

_But who is to say whether or not you could leave anyway? – MH_

He wouldn't be happy about it either way, would he? – JW

_Certainly not. – MH_

_Keep an eye on him, John. He needs you. – MH_


	29. Molly Hooper and Greg Lestrade

_The body's arrived. – UNKNOWN NUMBER_

What body? – JW

Who is this? – JW

_This is Molly, Molly Hooper, from St. Bart's. – MH_

Oh, hello, Molly. – JW

I'm sure Sherlock will know what you mean if I tell him. – JW

_Please do. – MH_

Okay, we're on our way. – JW

* * *

Have you seen the body? – GL

_Yes. – SH_

Is John with you? – GL

_Yes. – SH_

Good. – GL

_Why? – SH_

You're easier to handle when he's with you. – GL

_What's that supposed to mean? – SH_

Don't read into it, Sherlock. Just come to the Yard. – GL


	30. Mummy

Mummy wants you to come visit. – MH

_And why would I do that? – SH_

_You know how busy I am, I'm sure. – SH_

_Given how much you've been texting John. - SH_

Is that jealousy I detect, dear brother? – MH

_I'm the detective, stick to your politics. – SH_

Fine. Just consider the invitation. – MH

You can bring John if you want. – MH

I'm sure Mummy would be thrilled to meet him. – MH


	31. A Pint with Greg

I'm going out. – JW

_Where? And with whom? – SH_

Since when did you become my bloody mother, Sherlock Holmes? – JW

But, if you must know, I'm going down the pub with Greg. – JW

_Oh, fine. – SH_

I don't need your permission! – JW

Sherlock? – JW

Don't ignore me, Sherlock. – JW

Fine, I'm leaving. – JW

_Have fun. - SH_


	32. Possessive?

_Good evening, John. – MH_

Oh, so I see you're texting me now, rather than abducting me. – JW

_I thought it would be preferable; much less hassle. – MH_

How thoughtful of you. – JW

_How is he? – MH_

No change. – JW

Look, why don't you just ask him yourself once in a while? – JW

_You know I can't do that, John. – MH_

_Besides, we have a small problem on our hands. – MH_

What problem? – JW

_Mummy wants to see him. – MH_

Don't get me involved in your dysfunctional family, I've already got one of my own. – JW

_Too late. - MH_

_I'm sure he'd come if you came with him. – MH_

Look, Mycroft, I'm really not interested. – JW

_I'm sure we can arrange some sort of benefit on your behalf. – MH_

Mycroft, he's my friend. If he doesn't want to go, I'm not going to make him go. – JW

No matter how much money you throw at me. – JW

_It's a shame. Mummy would love to meet you both. – MH_

* * *

_Stop texting Mycroft. – SH_

How did you know? – JW

_Who else could it be? – SH_

Never mind. – JW

Stop being so possessive. – JW

_Possessive? – SH_

* * *

Bloody hell. Now he's getting all territorial. – JW

_Get used to it, John. – MH_

_He sees you as a part of him now. – MH_

What on earth have I gotten myself into? – JW

_I doubt you'll ever really understand. – MH_

_Still, consider the offer. – MH_

_John? – MH_

John's phone has been confiscated. Please cease all communications. – JW

_Oh, brother. - MH_


	33. Kids

Hey. – JW

Hey. – JW

Sherlock. – JW

_Yes, John. – SH_

Do you want kids, Sherlock? – JW

_If I don't want any sort of romantic relationship, sexual or otherwise, why would I want kids? – SH_

_This is why you should never go out with Stamford on a Friday evening. – SH_

I don't think the world could handle anymore Holmes boys. – JW

I bet my kids would have to deal with them all. – JW

_Torture through the generations. That sounds interesting. – SH_

_Still, I don't understand the fascination with children. – SH_

_They're humans in the most basic and selfish form. – SH_

_Besides, this planet is already grossly over-populated without my help. – SH_

So you really don't want kids? – JW

_Nope. I don't think I could stand any woman long enough to conceive and raise a child. – SH_

This should be on my list of 'Why Sherlock and I are not and never going to be a couple.' – JW

_You've made a list? – SH_

Not yet, but I will. – JW

_It sounds a little obsessive, John. – SH_

What does that mean? – JW

_It means: methinks the lady doth protest too much. – SH_

But I could send it out to all those horrible blogs and websites! – JW

_I don't think the reaction would be what you expect. – SH_

_Leave it, John. You have nothing to worry about. – SH_

Okay. – JW

_Are you coming home soon? I'm hungry. – SH_

Really? Again? – JW

You really are going to lose that figure. – JW

_If you don't come home in the next hour I will try to make myself pancakes again. – SH_

Fine. I'm coming home. – JW

_Good boy. – SH_


	34. Where did you put John?

_John? – SH_

_John? – SH_

_I need tea, John. – SH_

_John, I just got up and you're not in the flat. – SH_

_Where are you? – SH_

* * *

_Where did you put John? – SH_

Relax; we were just having a chat. – MH

_I'd appreciate it if you'd stopped having these 'chat's. – SH_

No need to get jealous, Sherlock. – MH

He's all yours, I assure you. – MH

_Hm. – SH_

_Send him home. – SH_

_In a cab, preferably. – SH_

I'll send your wife home, brother. – MH

Don't make him work too hard. – MH

* * *

Mycroft just sent me home. – JW

I'm confused. – JW

_He thinks we're married. – SH_

You certainly act like it! – JW

Demanding food and tea whenever it takes your fancy. – JW

_If it's any consolation, John, I'm sure you'll make a very good housewife one day. – SH_

You did not just say that. – JW

Make your own bloody tea. I'm going to bed as soon as I get home. – JW

_But, John! – SH_

No. – JW

* * *

First argument? – MH

_It's not our first and it's certainly not our last. – SH_

You're finally coming out of the Honeymoon period. – MH

_For goodness' sake, Mycroft. We're not newlyweds. – SH_

_It really annoys him when you act like we are. – SH_

But it doesn't bother you? – MH

_You know I don't care what anyone thinks about me. – SH_

You do. – MH

You care what he thinks about you. – MH

Sherlock? – MH

Why do you always sulk when I'm right? – MH

Fine. But stop pushing him away, Sherlock. You need him. – MH


	35. The Joint Account

I'm quitting work. – JW

_Why? – SH_

We don't need the money anymore. – JW

_But I thought you enjoyed it. – SH_

No. – JW

_It's Sarah, isn't it? – SH_

No, it has nothing to do with Sarah. – JW

_It's okay, John. I don't mind. – SH_

It's not Sarah. – JW

_Fine. Are you coming home then? – SH_

Yes. Do you want me to make lunch? – JW

_Sure. – SH_

I'll be home in just a minute then. – JW

* * *

_One of your pay checks was accidentally sent to the Yard, I'll send it over. – GL_

Thanks, Greg. – JW

_Hey, I was wondering, how do you split the money? – GL_

_You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I get that it's a very personal question. – GL_

_I was just curious. – GL_

We don't. – JW

_Don't what? – GL_

We don't split the money. – JW

_Then what do you do with it? – GL_

We have a joint account. – JW

_Why on earth would you do that? – GL_

Well, before, he always used to forget about his half of the rent and groceries and that sort of thing. – JW

It's just easier this way. Besides, he doesn't spend a lot and doesn't seem to mind when I splash out a bit. – JW

We make all the big decisions together though. – JW

_Dear God. – GL_

What? – JW

_You two are more married than I thought. – GL_

Greg! – JW

_Seriously, when's the ceremony? – GL_

It's not that weird! – JW

_'Not that weird'? Even I don't have a joint account with my wife! – GL_

I... Is it really that strange? – JW

_Yes! – GL_

_Most people don't trust their own spouses with their money, never mind their roommates! – GL_

Well... most aspects of our relationship are weird. Why should this be any different? – JW

It works for us; why should it change? – JW

_Maybe it shouldn't. But is the relationship between you two really, strictly just platonic? – GL_

Yes! – JW

For the millionth time, yes! – JW

_Because, you know John, no one would think any less of you if it weren't. – GL_

Apart from the majority of the police force at the Yard. – JW

Besides; I'm not gay! – JW

_Okay, okay. That's fine. – GL_

_Still, I think you should consider it. – GL_

Why on earth would I do that? I am, in no way, physically or sexually attracted to that man! – JW

_You two go together. You need each other. – GL_

Why does everyone keep saying that? We did just fine before we met one another! – JW

_But that was then, John. This is now. – GL_

_Look, I've got to go. – GL_

Okay, Greg. – JW

Thanks for the heads up, I guess. – JW

_See you soon. – GL_

Bye. – JW

* * *

_Stop bullying John. – SH_

I'm not bullying him! – GL

We were merely talking about your current situation. – GL

_And what might that 'current situation' be? – SH_

Your impending marriage. – GL

_Do shut up, Lestrade. You know how much that bothers him. – SH_

Fine, Sherlock. – GL

See you on Monday. – GL

_Monday? – SH_

Yes, I need to discuss that last case with you, if you will. – GL

_Of course. – SH_

* * *

It seems that I have a rather angry husband on my hands. – GL

Will they ever realise it? – GL

_I think not. – MH_

_But their time together will be happy, albeit dangerous. – MH_

I hope you're right. – GL


	36. The Wife

Why am I always the 'wife'? – JW

_There are many reasons for that, John. - SH_

Well, would you mind kindly informing me of some of them? – JW

_Firstly, there's our work situation. – SH_

What do you mean? – JW

_On the outside, it seems as though I do all the work. – SH_

_I'm the 'breadwinner', you might say. – SH_

_ Therefore, naturally, in the still rather sexist minds of all onlookers, I must wear the trousers in our supposedly romantic relationship. – SH_

But I had a job too! – JW

_You might as well have been a nurse, dear John. – SH_

Okay, well, there must be some more reasons. – JW

_Why are you so curious? – SH_

If I know why it happens, I can stop it. – JW

_You may try, John, but you shall fail. – SH_

We'll see about that. – JW

_Well, I suppose another reason is due to your domestic flair. – SH_

Meaning? – JW

_Your ability in the kitchen. It's no secret that you do the majority of the housework. – SH_

And why would that make me the wife? Plenty of men do housework. – JW

_As I mentioned earlier, there is still an underlying element of sexism in our community. – SH_

_Many still expect the woman to be the one who does the domestic chores and you, my dear Watson, do them both well and willingly. – SH_

But that's habit more than anything! – JW

_They don't know that. – SH_

Fine. Anything else? - JW

_You do have this gentle, almost womanly quality about you. – SH_

But I was a soldier for god's sake! – JW

_And it left you mentally and physically wounded. Seriously, haven't you looked at any of those art blogs? – SH_

What about them? – JW

_They see your past as being 'sad', it makes them feel sorry for you, rather than enhancing your 'manliness'. – SH_

But I chose to be a soldier! – JW

_They think you're cute. – SH_

I'm a 40 year old man; I can't be cute! – JW

_Apparently you can. – SH_

And, I take it, you lack this womanly quality? – JW

_Indeed. It seems my intellectual prowess and commanding demeanour make me the man in this twisted relationship. – SH_

_Despite the fact that I have absolutely no practical sexual experience whatsoever. – SH_

Interesting. – JW

_Really? – SH_

No. – JW

Let's end this conversation now before it gets awkward. – JW

_It's a bit too late for that now, John. – SH_

Shh. – JW


	37. The Paparazzi

**Sorry! Just wanted to take a little pause to say thank you for all of the great feedback! I've written so many of these, seriously, I have a 123 page (still-growing) document and we're only on page 36 right now. But that wasn't all I wanted to say. _Teamo-Seto _gave a suggestion that will actually be used in the future and I wanted to remind you all that I'm very much open to your input. Whether it's just scenarios or pairings, I don't mind!  
**

**Anyway, I'll still be uploading daily. See you all soon!  
**

* * *

_The paparazzi are outside; be careful on your way home. – SH_

How did you even know I was out? – JW

_The fridge's empty; I knew it wouldn't stay that way for long. – SH_

I can't believe they're still at it. – JW

I mean, I know you pretty much just came back to life, but you're hardly the 'new Jesus'. – JW

_Is that what they're calling me? – SH_

Yes. – JW

Careful, if your head gets much bigger you'll never be able to get out the door. – JW

_What's that supposed to mean? – SH_

Never mind. I'll be careful. – JW

But I was thinking about it earlier anyway. - JW

Do you think we should do an interview or something, just to clear the air? – JW

_Really, John? – SH_

_Why do you still care so much about what they think of us? – SH_

I don't know! I just do! – JW

Is it really such a problem? – JW

_No, but I still don't think an interview would be a good idea. – SH_

_Let's just go on a usual. – SH_

Okay, fine. – JW

What do you want for dinner? – JW

_Anything, I don't care. – SH_

Fine, chicken it is. – JW

* * *

I'm cornered. – JW

Seriously, Sherlock, I can't get to the door. – JW

_Coming. – SH_

* * *

_Did your husband come and save you? – GL_

_How adorable. – GL_

_Can I have a picture? – GL_

Fuck off, Greg. – JW


	38. Mummy: Part Two

Mummy saw your picture in the paper. – MH

She wants to know who your new boyfriend is. – MH

She thinks he's cute. – MH

_I thought Mummy was a homophobe. – SH_

That was last year, she's overcome that now. – MH

_It wasn't 'cool' anymore? – SH_

It seems so. – MH

She's disappointed that you haven't introduced him before. – MH

_Why would I want to subject John to that sort of torture? – SH_

I'm sure he'd love to meet her. – MH

_If your conversations with the man are anything to go by, I'm sure he would not. – SH_

Please, Sherlock, it would mean so much to her. – MH

_No. – SH_

Why not? – MH

_Because I don't want to. – SH_

For goodness sake, Sherlock. Don't be so bloody childish. – MH

_I'll do what I want, thank you. – SH_

Fine. Just don't come crying to me next time you're bored. – MH

_Never. – SH_

* * *

_Want to meet Mummy? – SH_

No. – JW

_That's the best thing I've heard all day. – SH_


	39. The Greatest Adventure Of All

__**Okay, just a heads up to say that tomorrow's update will be uploaded later in the day. I'm leaving today to go to London for a birthday trip and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. I usually update as soon as I wake up, for example, it's 7.28AM where I am right now. However, tomorrow, the update will probably be uploaded in the evening.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Any new cases? – MH_

Nothing. – GL

_Maybe I should throw them a line, as such. – MH_

If he ever knew about this, he'd be furious. – GL

_Then it's a good thing he doesn't know. – MH_

How's John? – GL

_He's as oblivious as ever. Can't say I see whatever it is Sherlock sees in the chap. – MH_

I think it's less about John and more about the effect John has on him. – GL

_What do you mean? – MH_

John brings out the best in Sherlock and, in return, Sherlock gives him a busy, dangerous lifestyle. – GL

It's a shame that they'll never take it any further. – GL

_Why? – MH_

Because that's the greatest adventure of all, isn't it? – GL

_What is? – MH_

Love! – GL

_Ah, dear Lestrade; what a simple man you are. – MH_

Am I supposed to be offended by that? – GL

_I don't know, are you? – MH_

No. – GL

_Good. – MH_


	40. Sabotage

**I'm back from London! I had an amazing time and (finally) found the series one DVD of Sherlock; so I shall be re-watching that for inspiration. Thanks for all the patience guys!**

**Oh, and I should add that all of the suggestions submitted so far ****_will _****be used; thanks for all the great ideas!**

* * *

I've got a date tonight. – JW

_No you haven't. – SH_

_It's pizza night; you can't have a date. – SH_

Well I do, Sherlock. – JW

You'll just have to deal with it. – JW

_If you go out on this date, I'm not going to eat tonight. – SH_

Fine. God knows you did it enough before. – JW

_This is neglect. – SH_

Don't be such a drama queen. – JW

You'll be just fine. – JW

* * *

_Where are you? – SH_

Waiting for my date. – JW

_Which restaurant? – SH_

What, so you can sabotage my date? No thank you. – JW

_Foiled again. – SH_

_So, what's her name? – SH_

Jessica, she works in the cafe below the flat. – JW

_So that's her name. – SH_

Uh huh. She's really nice. – JW

And she's just arrived. Don't text unless it's an emergency. – JW

* * *

Feeling a little lonely? – MH

_What on earth could you mean, Mycroft? – SH_

Don't let him get away so easily. – MH

_Do you really think so lowly of me? – SH_

* * *

_John, it's an emergency! – SH_

Really? - JW

What happened? – JW

_Mummy had a heart attack! – SH_

Oh my God.- JW

Are you okay? Is she alright? – JW

_I'm not quite sure; no one's telling me anything. – SH_

Do you want me to come home? – JW

_Oh no, I wouldn't want to spoil your date. – SH_

No, really, it's fine. She'll understand. – JW

_Oh, would you, John? It would mean the world to me. – SH_

I'm on my way already. – JW

* * *

Nicely done. – MH

_Thank you. – SH_

* * *

Sorry about dinner, Jessica. – JW

_It's okay. I mean, he's your best friend. – JR_

_Is he alright? – JR_

Yes, in shock a little. He's being a bit clingy. – JW

_Poor guy. – JR_

Thanks for understanding, I hope we can make another date for dinner soon. – JW

_Of course, good luck with your friend. – JR_


	41. Fish

**I'm so scared today guys. Seriously; I'm shaking. Today I get my exam results and, despite the fact that I worked myself to death, I'm still nervous. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

_John, what's for dinner? – SH_

I don't know, what do you want? – JW

_Fish. Get some kind of fish. – SH_

Why? – JW

_Brain food, John. – SH_

I don't think you need any help in that department. – JW

_I need it for this case. – SH_

Whatever you say. – JW


	42. 500 Days of Summer

__**Got my results guys and I'm very happy! I got into my first-choice school too; which was pretty tough. Thanks for all the ongoing support.**

* * *

_John, I'm bored. – SH_

Okay, well, can it wait until I get home? – JW

_It depends; what are you going to when you get home? – SH_

Um... how about a movie? – JW

_What movie? – SH_

Well, I bought a new one last week; a really famous indie film. – JW

_What's it called? – SH_

500 Days of Summer. – JW

_Okay, we'll try it. But if it's anything like that Twilight shit you bought, we're throwing it away. – SH_

Agreed. – JW


	43. Mummy: Part Three

Whatever happened to your mother in the end? – JW

_Oh, she was fine. Just a blip on the radar. – SH_

Maybe we should go see her, if that's what she wants. – JW

_Don't bother, she changes her mind constantly. – SH_

Okay, if you're sure. – JW

_I am. – SH_


	44. Barbados: Part 1

**Right, this chapter signifies the start of one long drabble, split up into parts; kind of like the Paris one. However, this one shall be much, much longer and bring about some more interesting plot developments. Thanks for all the lovely reviews and support!**

* * *

_Sherlock's birthday is coming up. – MH_

Really? He didn't tell me. – JW

When is it? – JW

_He doesn't usually like making a big fuss of it. – MH_

_His birthday is on the 6__th__ January. – MH_

Oh, that's next week! What should we do? – JW

_I don't think 'we' should do anything. – MH_

_It's you that he really wants something from. – MH_

You think? – JW

_Yes, John. You're the only one he truly cares about. – MH_

I thought Sherlock didn't do caring. – JW

_He doesn't. But it seems you're the exception. – MH_

_Don't read into it too much John; you'll hurt yourself. – MH_

What should I get him? – JW

_I don't know, that's your problem. – MH_

_Good luck, John. – MH_

_Okay, thanks Mycroft. I think. – JW_

* * *

What do you think he'll get him? – GL

_Honestly, Greg, I have no idea. – MH_

The boys on the force wanted to send them a packet of condoms and lube, but I hear they already get enough of that in fanmail. – GL

_Probably. God knows what those internet people do. – MH_

_Anyway, we've got another problem to deal with. – MH_

What? – GL

_A girl. – MH_

_By the name of Molly Hooper. – MH_

Isn't she the chick they hang out with at St. Bart's? – GL

_Indeed, she aided Sherlock in his greatest hour of need and it certainly doesn't take a genius to deduct that she likes Sherlock as more than just a friend. – MH_

Has Sherlock shown any interest in her? – GL

_As a person; mildly. Romantically; not at all. – MH_

Then what do we have to worry about? – GL

_She will go to any lengths to please him; we don't want her gift to overshadow John's. – MH_

Fair enough, so, what's the plan? – GL

_We're sending John and Sherlock away for the birthday, for an entire week. – MH_

And what excuse will you use to send them away? – GL

_It'll be my little birthday/wedding gift to them. – MH_

And what do you hope to achieve from it? – GL

_Oh, I don't know. – MH_

_At worst they'll just be bonded even closer, at best they might actually realise that they're meant to be together. – MH_

That sounded almost poetic. – GL

_Hm. Almost. – MH_

* * *

_Mycroft's been in touch. – SH_

Isn't he always? – JW

_Indeed, but this time round he actually had something interesting to say. – SH_

Which was? – JW

_Well, it's my birthday next week. – SH_

Really? – JW

Why didn't you tell me? – JW

_Stop pretending you didn't know, John. - SH_

_Anyway, if anything, it's an inconvenience. All the fuss makes it harder to work. – SH_

So, what else did Mycroft say, I'm assuming that's not it. – JW

_He's sending us away for that week on a case. – SH_

_His present to me, apparently. – SH_

Where are we going? – JW

_Barbados. – SH_

Seriously? - JW

Wow! – JW

_The case sounds interesting too. – SH_

Sounds perfect! – JW

_Hm. I can't help but feel as though there might be some ulterior motives. – SH_

Are you kidding? Of course there are going to be ulterior motives! – JW

But it's still a brilliant opportunity. – JW

_I suppose. – SH_

_You really want to go? – SH_

Yes. I've never been out of Europe on holiday. – JW

_Let's go then. – SH_


	45. Barbados: Part 2

**It's my birthday! I'm so excited! Here's my gift to you though~ c:**

**Hope you all have a good day!**

* * *

How's the plan going? – GL

_Brilliantly. They leave tomorrow morning. – MH_

Any sign from Hooper? – GL

_I doubt she even knows about their little excursion. – MH_

I suppose that's good. – GL

But doesn't this all feel a little mean? – GL

_She'll still get to give Sherlock her gift, Lestrade. – MH_

_Just later; after John's had his turn. – MH_

I guess you're right. – GL

_Of course I am. – MH_

You Holmes boys; what will we do with you? – GL

_If John's example is anything to go by, you'll all be taking care of us before long. – MH_

I wonder how he does it. – GL

_I wonder. – MH_

* * *

Have you packed? – JW

_No. I thought you were going to do it for me. – SH_

When did I say that? – JW

_You didn't. I just assumed it. – SH_

And why, pray tell, can't you do it yourself? – JW

_I'm researching the case. Now be a good housewife and go pack my bags. – SH_

Don't you start too, Sherlock. - JW

It's bad enough with Mycroft and Lestrade, and let's not even get onto Mrs Hudson. – JW

Now you listen to me, Sherlock Holmes. Either you pack your bags or you go with nothing: your choice. – JW

_Fine, but when I hurt myself in the process I'm going to blame you. – SH_

It's really not that hard to do, Sherlock, and doesn't take that long. – JW

_Alright, already. I'm going; I'll do it. – SH_

We'll make a man of you yet, Sherlock Holmes. – JW

_That I doubt. – SH_


	46. Barbados: Part 3

Happy birthday. – UNKNOWN NUMBER

_Who is this? – SH_

It's Molly, from St. Bart's. – MH

_Oh. – SH_

_Thanks, I guess. – SH_

Will you be popping down to the morgue today? I have a gift for you. – MH

_I'm afraid not. – SH_

_John and I are going away for the week; you can pop in and give it to my landlady though, if you really want. – SH_

Oh. Alright. – MH

Have a nice time. – MH

_I'm sure we will. – SH_


	47. Barbados: Part 4

_We have lift off. – MH_

They just left? – GL

_Yes, their flight will land within the next ten hours. – MH_

Ooh, long flight. – GL

_It's certainly worth it. – MH_

You've been before? – GL

_Yes and it's the perfect place for our couple to do a little soul-searching. – MH_

Let's hope it works. – GL

_Indeed, indeed. - MH_

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_Hello John._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerG2

From: Flight PassengerG1

Sherlock, I'm sitting right next to you.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_I know, it's an alternative to texting. You seem excited, are you?_

* * *

To: FlightPassengerG2

From: FlightPassengerG1

Very, aren't you? Barbados is such an exotic location, I can't believe how lucky we are!

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_I suppose it does sound rather appealing. Mycroft seems rather fond of the place._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerG2

From: FlightPassengerG1

You must be more excited for the case than the destination. Give me the synopsis again.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_'Synopsis'? It's not a story, John._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerG2

From: FlightPassengerG1

It might as well be. Now stop fussing about the details and just tell me!

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_Fine._

_A rather wealthy media tycoon died in the island's most respected hotel; his favourite holiday destination. He appears to have multiple stab wounds, a gunshot to the head and some kind of poison was found in his system. No murder weapons have been found and it has not yet been determined which fatality killed him due to the insufficient facilities on the island. He died between 17:18 and 17:21. The last person to see him was his girlfriend of six months, she left to go to an appointment at the hotel's spar; giving her a solid alibi, as far as we know._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerG2

From: FlightPassengerG1

And what, exactly, made it such an interesting case that you decided to take it?

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_It's not particularly interesting. The man has some mafia connections that would be worth looking into and it's a high-profile case that will make us a good deal of money._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerG2

From: FlightPassengerG1

Oh, come on, Sherlock. You don't take cases for the money. Tell me, why did you take the case?

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_Because you wanted to come here. And I thought it might be nice for us to go away together again._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerG2

From: FlightPassengerG1

Well, thank you. I hope it turns out to be as enjoyable as we both expect.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerG1_

_From: FlightPassengerG2_

_I'm sure it will._


	48. Barbados: Part 5

_The love birds have landed. – MH_

Mycroft, it's one in the morning, couldn't it have waited? – GL

_No, it could not. – MH_

_Looking at their flight records, all seems to be going well. – MH_

What do you mean? – GL

_They were sending each other some rather... promising messages during the flight. – MH_

Weren't they sitting right next to one another? – GL

_Exactly. – MH_

Whatever. – GL

I'm going back to bed. – GL

* * *

How's it going, little brother? – MH

_Fine, given that we only landed half an hour ago. – SH_

Well, over here it's already your birthday. – MH

So Happy Birthday. – MH

_Thank you. I think. – SH_

How are you liking your gift so far? – MH

_John seems to be enjoying himself. – SH_

Excellent. – MH

* * *

_Having fun? – GL_

Yes. It's beautiful here. – JW

_Any problems so far? – GL_

Just a little one; Mycroft seems to have only reserved one room for us, with only one bed. – JW

_Just get another room; sorted. – GL_

That's what I said. Unfortunately, there are no other vacant rooms. – JW

_Oh. – GL_

I mean, it's not that big a deal. Sherlock hardly sleeps anyway. – JW

_I suppose not. – GL_

_It'd be bad if it got out though. – GL_

Yes, but it's not going to. – JW

_Well, good luck with that. - GL_

_If you get any good pictures, don't hesitate to send them to me! – GL_

Of course not. – JW

_Have fun, John. – GL_

I'll try. – JW


	49. Barbados: Part 6

Nice twist with the rooming situation. – GL

_Thank you. – MH_

If that doesn't get them going, I don't know what will. – GL

_We'll see. – MH_

_It'll bring about progress, how much is yet to be seen. – MH_

* * *

_Shame about the rooms. – SH_

What's wrong with them? – MH

_Oh, come off it, Mycroft. I know you planned this. – SH_

So what if I did? – MH

_Stop meddling. – SH_

_John's strictly straight and I'm strictly not looking. – SH_

That's what I thought. – MH

Until he showed up. – MH

_Leave it alone. – SH_

_Don't mess up this holiday for us; John's really excited. – SH_

Yes, protect him. – MH

You're going to need to. – MH

_What's that supposed to mean? – SH_

_Mycroft? – SH_

_Mycroft? – SH_

_Fine. – SH_


	50. Barbados: Part 7

__**Right, you're all probably bored of these notes now, but I'm going to annoy you anyway. This the 50th chapter! And so, I'd like to thank you all for your support. Seriously, guys, it's amazing. We get, on average, over 1000 views a day, with usually 200 or so visitors. In all we have 26,047 views which, as you can tell, grows quickly. In addition to that, as you can see for yourselves, we have 50 reviews, 36 favourites and 79 followers! Wow!**

**Thanks for everything! I hope you continue to enjoy Sherlock: The Text Files.**

* * *

_Are you ready to go yet? – SH_

Just a few more minutes, please. – JW

_Fine, but I will never understand this obsession with beaches. – SH_

_It's just sea and sand. – SH_

I tell you what, Sherlock, you don't get beaches like this in the UK. – JW

And the people, the people are so nice! – JW

We should come back here again. – JW

_Perhaps, but let's just finish this case first. – SH_

Fine, I'm coming. – JW

_Great. – SH_

* * *

_How's the case coming along? – GL_

We haven't had much progress, but it's getting more interesting. – JW

_In what way? – GL_

We think we've found some ties to a previous case. – JW

_Intriguing. – GL_

Indeed, Sherlock's thrilled. – JW

_And yourself? – GL_

Well, I don't know how much help I've been so far, but this place is absolutely gorgeous. – JW

_I think you underestimate yourself, John. – GL_

_I can think of multiple cases that would never have been solved if it weren't for you. – GL_

I doubt he'd never have solved them... it just might've taken a little longer. – JW

Anyway, I'm hoping to determine the cause of death in the next couple of hours. – JW

_I bet that'll be a challenge. – GL_

That it will be, but we've decided to attempt to do it together. If we focus, we might just find the answer today. – JW

_Well, good luck. – GL_

Thanks. – JW

_Oh, and how did you sleep last night? – GL_

Hm. It was interesting. – JW

_Is he a cuddler? – GL_

_Please, dear god, tell me he's a cuddler. – GL_

_That would just make my day. – GL_

Sorry Greg, I don't kiss and tell. – JW

_So you kissed him? – GL_

No! - JW

Don't be ridiculous! That's not what I meant. – JW

_I know, I know. – GL_

Good. – JW

I'm going to go test the poison we found, have a good day. – JW

_You too. - GL_

_God, you two are so married. - GL_


	51. Barbados: Part 8

_You did well today, John. - SH_

Thank you, Sherlock. I'd say the same to you, but then your head would explode. – JW

_Why on earth would my head explode? – SH_

Never mind. – JW

Still, the speed with which you identified that particular type of poison was rather impressive. – JW

_It was simple really. – SH_

For you, I'm sure it was. But, to the rest of us, it was quite the wonder. – JW

This is the part where you thank me. – JW

_Oh. Thank you. – SH_

You're welcome. – JW

_What are we doing for dinner? – SH_

I swear, all you think about nowadays is food. – JW

_Hyperbole? – SH_

Indeed, well spotted. – JW

I thought we could go out again, that 'Just Grillin'' place was nice. –JW

_It was, but I want to eat some of your food again. – SH_

Okay, I'll make a deal with you, Sherlock. – JW

_I'm listening. – SH_

If you go out with me again for dinner, I'll make you breakfast and lunch tomorrow. – JW

_Agreed. And in between we'll interview possible witnesses for the case. – SH_

Agreed. – JW

_Excellent. – SH_

* * *

Any more interesting developments? – GL

_John finally gave him his present. – MH_

What was it? – GL

_A cake and a book. – MH_

_I couldn't get close enough to see what it was exactly. – MH_

_Needless to say, I was quite surprised. – MH_

Oh, well, anything else interesting happen? - GL

_Not particularly, though they both seem to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. – MH_

That's good. – GL

_I suppose. – MH_

There's not really a lot more you can do now anyway. – GL

_I guess not. – MH_

Y'know, it's kind of sweet; how hard you're trying to get them to open their eyes and see what they have. – GL

I never thought you two were that close. – GL

_I wouldn't say we're 'close'. – MH_

_But that doesn't mean I don't care a great deal about him. – MH_

_Besides, I let him down before. It's about time that I made it up to him. – MH_

Well, once again, I wish you luck. – GL

You've quite the challenge ahead of you. – GL

_It seems so. – MH_

* * *

**For anyone who may wonder, Just Grillin' is actually a restaurant in Barbados; it was my favourite, the food was immense.  
Don't fret; there will be more on John's present later. Everything will make sense soon enough~**


	52. Barbados: Part 9

__**Thanks for all the suggestions again! They've been a great help and I'll definitely use them in the future. **

* * *

_I think Mycroft's planning something. – SH_

What makes you think that? – JW

_This whole trip just feels extremely premeditated. – SH_

Like what? – JW

_The room fiasco for starters. – SH_

But what could he be hoping to achieve from that? – JW

_I don't know. And it unnerves me. – SH_

Relax, just enjoy yourself and finish the case. - JW

Don't let him ruin it. – JW

_I suppose. What time will you be arriving? – SH_

I'll only be a few more minutes. – JW

_Brilliant. I think I've managed to find our girlfriend. – SH_

* * *

_How's the case coming along? – GL_

We interrogated the victim's girlfriend today. – JW

_How did it go? – GL_

Badly. I don't think her answers fitted into the image Sherlock had in his head. – JW

Not to mention the arguing. – JW

_Arguing? – GL_

Yes. Apparently she is the type of person Sherlock 'hates the most'. – JW

_Really, what was she like? – GL_

Oh, y'know, fake orange tan, bleached blond hair, red lipstick and skimpy clothes. – JW

I don't think the Essex accent helped much either. – JW

_That sounds bloody hilarious. – GL_

Well, you would say that. – JW

How are things back home? – JW

_Surprisingly peaceful. – GL_

_All the trouble's waiting until you two get home, I suppose. – GL_

How lovely. – JW

_Is that sarcasm I detect, Dr. Watson? – GL_

Oh, certainly not, detective. – JW

_So, what did you get him for his birthday? – GL_

Not much. – JW

_John. – GL_

_Just tell me. – GL_

Fine. – JW

He's always badgered me about my army 'stint', so I satisfied his curiosity. – JW

_What do you mean? – GL_

I gave him my army journal. – JW

_Wow. – GL_

_Big step. – GL_

I guess. – JW

_Did he like it? – GL_

I think so, we haven't really talked about it. – JW

_Hm. – GL_

_Well, good luck with the case. – GL_

Thanks. – JW

I think we're going to need it. – JW


	53. Barbados: Part 10

Only four days left, brother. – MH

_I know, Mycroft, I can count. – SH_

I trust that you're nearly finished. – MH

_I don't discuss case details until after the case is solved. – SH_

Shame. Unfortunately, John doesn't seem to share that value. – MH

How are things going with the two of you? – MH

_Fine. Why would you want to know? – SH_

Just checking that my gift has been well received. - MH

Besides, you probably won't be able to do something like this again anytime soon. - MH

_Whyever not? _- _SH_

Well, I expect our fine doctor shall be moving on soon. - MH

_What do you mean? - SH_

You know exactly what I mean, Sherlock. - MH

Believe it or not, dear brother, I do care about you. – MH

_Of course you do, mother. – SH_

Come now, don't be so childish. – MH

I'm surprised that Dr. Watson has managed to put up with you for this long. – MH

Sherlock? - MH

Sherlock? – MH

* * *

_John? – SH_

Yes. – JW

_Where are you? – SH_

Having a pint at the bar, why? – JW

_Never mind, let's just do it now. – SH_

Do what now? – JW

_John, I want to play the question game again. – SH_

Really? But you've got a case to concentrate on. – JW

_Question game. Now. – SH_

Fine, fine. – JW

Don't get all grumpy on me. – JW

_I'm not. – SH_

_I'm going first. – SH_

Okay. – JW

_Honestly, John, do you think you will ever leave me and move out of the flat? – SH_

What's brought this on? – JW

_Nothing in particular, it was just the first thing that sprung to mind. – SH_

Of course it was. – JW

Well, 'honestly', I like to think that one day I will. – JW

_Why? – SH_

Now, that's another question. You'll have to wait until your next go. – JW

_Fine. – SH_

_Make your question a quick one then. – SH_

Okay; have you ever considered having sex? – JW

_Exactly how many pints have you now had, John? – SH_

Two and a half. – JW

_I thought as much. – SH_

What's that supposed to mean? – JW

_Nothing at all. – SH_

_Anyway, back to the question. The answer is simple: no. – SH_

_Okay, my turn. – SH_

_Why do you like to think you'd leave one day? – SH_

Because, unlike yourself, I do want to get married and have kids. – JW

_Why can't you do that at the flat? – SH_

Well, given my relationship history, I just don't think that would work. – JW

_Why not? – SH_

Because all of my relationships in the last three years have ended for one reason and one reason only. – JW

_What? – SH_

You. – JW

Look, I don't think you really wanted to play the game. Let's just end it here. – JW

_I don't want to. – SH_

Well I do. – JW

I'm coming back to the apartment and having an early night. – JW

Goodnight, Sherlock. – JW

* * *

We have another case for you upon your return. – MH

_Good. – SH_

I didn't expect you to reply so quickly, little brother. Shouldn't you be sleeping? – MH

_Can't. – SH_

Well, that comes as no surprise. – MH

_Why? – SH_

You had a fight with John, did you not? – MH

_Not a 'fight', per say. – SH_

_Besides, how do you know? – SH_

You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to make a deduction as simple as that. – MH

_I suppose not. – SH_

You'll sort it out soon. – MH

Just don't take him for granted. – MH

_I know, I 'need' him, apparently. – SH_

He's more important than you think, brother. – MH

_I doubt that. He's average at best. – SH_

He's much more than that and you know it. – MH

_What do you mean? – SH_

Well, for one, he's your friend. – MH

Your only friend. – MH

And perhaps something more. – MH

_Please, Mycroft, don't. – SH_

Don't what? – MH

_Stick your nose where it's not wanted. – SH_

Fine. But don't forget what I said before. – MH

* * *

How's it coming along? – GL

_Better than expected. – MH_

What happened? – GL

_They had a fight. – MH_

What? - GL

How is that 'better than expected'? – GL

_Ah, dear detective, your mind is so simple. – MH_

_Have you truly never noticed that they always seem to pull closer after an argument? – MH_

No. – GL

_Trust me, after this, they'll hold onto one another closer than ever. - MH_

* * *

__**This chapter has been fairly long, considering some of the shorties I've given you before. Next chapter will be fairly short, but will explain everything you may not understand, whilst leaving you with a cliffhanger that even Steven Moffat would be proud of. ;D**

**Anyway, see you guys tomorrow!**


	54. Barbados: Part 11

**Blog-writer Watson Wounded in Brawl**

Famous blog-owner Doctor John Watson was harmed last night whilst working on a case in the Caribbean. Less than two weeks ago, famous media mogul Simon Bowel was murdered in his favourite hotel, situated on the island of Barbados. 'Consulting' detective Sherlock Holmes and his partner John Watson have been working on the case for just under a week. Due to the recent nature of the incident, not many details have yet been revealed. What we do know is that Watson and Holmes were attacked while attempting to solve the case, resulting in the doctor ending up in hospital. It is believed that Mr. Holmes was left unharmed and Watson's wounds are not fatal. We'll update as more details surrounding the incident are disclosed to the media.


	55. Barbados: Part 12

__**Sorry, sorry guys, it's been a while. Now, let me make my excuses, then you can have your chapter. You see, I just started sixth form (the last two years of high school, for all you 'mericans) which, over here in the UK, is a ****_huge _****jump. The workload has been massive and I've literally had no time to update. Finally, it's the weekend! So here's your update.**

* * *

_I'm sorry. – SH_

About what? – JW

_It should have been me. – SH_

It was my decision. I don't regret it. – JW

At least we solved the case, right? – JW

_I suppose. Though I'd have rather we solved it completely unharmed. – SH_

Me too. – JW

_Will you be ready to fly back tomorrow? – SH_

Yes, I should be fine. – JW

But I will miss this place. – JW

_We should come back some time, when we don't have a case. – SH_

Really? Won't you be bored? – JW

_No, not if you're with me. – SH_

_Look, John, I never apologised about our little... disagreement. – SH_

Really, Sherlock, it was nothing. – JW

It doesn't matter now. – JW

_It does, because I have just one more question. – SH_

Okay. – JW

_What will you do if you never find a woman who's willing to put up with me? – SH_

I suppose I'll never leave. – JW

_Why would you be willing to do that? – SH_

Because you're important to me. – JW

_So important that you're prepared to give up your chance at 'love'? – SH_

It seems so. – JW

_Thank you. – SH_

Goodnight, Sherlock. – JW

_Goodnight, John. See you tomorrow morning. – SH_

* * *

__**More shall be explained later, I assure you. ;D**


	56. Barbados: Part 13

_**11/01/15**_

_It was worth a wound; it was worth many wounds; to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation._

_John. H. Watson_

* * *

__**The above, for those who can't tell, is a direct extract from the original Sherlock Holmes series.**

**It seems to fit nicely, eh?**


	57. Barbados: Part 14

__**I'm back, bitches.**

* * *

How is he? – MH

_Fine, we'll be home tomorrow. – SH_

Congratulations on the case, by the way. – MH

_Thank you, it was simple enough in the end. – SH_

I'm surprised it took you so long to put two and two together with the girlfriend. – MH

_I couldn't find her photo online before we came, otherwise I would've realised it was the same woman from the Travelodge case. – SH_

Of course. – MH

I take it you guys made up in the end. – MH

_Of course. – SH_

Good. - MH

Have a safe trip home brother. – MH

* * *

_Sorry to hear about your accident. – GL_

Thanks, though it wasn't much of an 'accident'. – JW

_What happened? – GL_

The mafia got involved. – JW

_Which one? – GL_

Apparently, at least according to Sherlock, there's just one. – JW

_And what, exactly, happened? – GL_

Half way through the confrontation, one of the goons got angry and went to shoot Sherlock. – JW

_God, is he okay? – GL_

He's just fine. – JW

My reactions kicked in and I jumped in front of the shot. – JW

_Wow. – GL_

_You really are that loyal. - GL_

_Anyway, get well soon! – GL_

Thanks, I'm sure we'll be seeing you in the next few days anyway, we're coming back today. – JW

_Okay, cool, see you soon. – GL_

* * *

_So, I suppose things didn't go to plan. – GL_

Not exactly. – MH

They went better. – MH

_How can you say that?! - GL_

_John got shot in the shoulder! – GL_

And, as predicted, it brought them closer together. – MH

_What do you mean? – GL_

Sherlock rarely shows emotion and it seems that, when John was injured, he went into a bit of a panic. – MH

_What do you mean? – GL_

It means that he finally showed true emotion to John. – MH

You know how unobservant John can be; he needs everything to be shoved in his face. – MH

_But they still haven't admitted to anything, to themselves or otherwise. – GL_

That sort of aim was unrealistic. Progress was always going to be slow. – MH

_I suppose. – GL_

For now, dear Lestrade, our work is complete. - MH

See you next week? – MH

_See you. – GL_


	58. Barbados: Part 15

To: FlightPassengerB3

From: FlightPassengerB4

I should probably apologise to you about this whole thing.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_Why on earth should you do that John?_

* * *

To: FlightPassengerB3

From: FlightPassengerB4

Because I kinda' ruined your birthday trip.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_It wasn't ruined; we still both had a good time, right?_

* * *

To: FlightPassengerB3

From: FlightPassengerB4

I suppose.

We should probably thank Mycroft when we get home too.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_Why should we do that?_

* * *

To: FlightPassengerB3

From: FlightPassengerB4

Well, this whole holiday happened thanks to him and I think we've got closer because of it.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_Well, you did attempt to save my life._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerB3

From: FlightPassengerB4

What do you mean 'attempt'?

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_But, again, thank you for that, John. I don't know what I'd do without you._

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_You really are my only friend._

* * *

To: FlightPassengerB3

From: FlightPassengerB4

You shouldn't say that, you don't realise how many people you have: Lestrade, Molly, Mrs. Hudson, even Mycroft. They all care about you just as much as I do.

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_I doubt any one of them would be willing to lay down their life for mine, no matter how much they care._

* * *

_To: FlightPassengerB4_

_From: FlightPassengerB3_

_Thank you, John._


	59. The Invasion

_John. – SH_

_John. – SH_

_John they found my email. – SH_

Who is 'they'? – JW

_The 'fangirls'. – SH_

Dear god. - JW

What did they do!? – JW

_There's lots of digital art, mostly of us in multiple compromising situations, some weird stories called 'fanfiction' and a few essays on 'Why Sherlock Holmes and John Watson should be a couple.' – SH_

Delete it. – JW

All of it. – JW

_Why? It's kind of interesting. – SH_

No, get rid of all of it and change your address. – JW

_How will our clients contact us? – SH_

I don't know, just delete it all! – JW

_Why does it bother you so much? – SH_

It doesn't matter why, it just does! – JW

_Fine, it's all gone. – SH_

Good, see you later. – JW

_Can we have pizza tonight now? – SH_

Sure. – JW

* * *

You didn't really get rid of all those emails, did you? – MH

_Of course not. – SH_

* * *

To: SHolmes221B

From: J-O-H-N-L-0-C-K

OMG, OMG, OMG, I hope this is ur real email! Hi Im Riri, Im like ur biggest fan evar! Ive attached sme of my fanart and my frend's fanfiction. We totes think u gais shud be a couple. Check out da fanfiction; it has mpreg in it; ur kids r so cute. I hope one day u guys get past this whole 'frend' thing.

Pls reply! I wud love to get 2 know u both better!1!one!1!

Riri xxXxxxXXxxxXxxX

* * *

To: J-O-H-N-L-0-C-K

From: SHolmes221B

Judging by the number of emails I've had saying such things, I'm guessing that you **aren't **my 'biggest fan'. I also disapprove of your blatant inability to spell simple words correctly. Still, you should feel privileged that I picked this particular email to reply to, though it was chosen at random. I have a few questions for you; I'd appreciate it if you answered them accurately, concisely and added a few relevant sources.

Would you care to explain your email address, it seems to be a mixture of my name and John's name.

What is the exact definition of 'fanart' and 'fanfiction'? Can you give me some examples?

What is this 'mpreg' you speak of? Is it just another typo?

Why are people so obsessed with the idea of myself and John being a couple?

Why do you lie about your name?

I'd appreciate a prompt reply.

Sherlock Holmes

P.S. What is with all the 'x's?


	60. The Physical Impossibility of MPREG

To: SHolmes221B

From: J-O-H-N-L-0-C-K

OMG, OMG, OMG!1! I cnt believe u replied! Ill do my best 2 help!

My adres is supposed to spell out Johnlock, but that wss taken so I replaced da 2nd 'O' with a 0. When ppl like a pairing (2 ppl together romantically) they come up with a shortened name 4 da couple, it's usually the couple's names mxed 2gether. Urs is Johnlock.

Fanart – art depicting the couple, drawn by fans, usually showing da pairing kssng or havin smex. 4 exmples go to a wbsit clled DeviantArt and typ in Johnlock.

Fanfiction – stories written bi fans using other pple's fictional characters or real pple. Usually also contains contnt of a smexual natur. 4 exmples jus typ fanfiction in2 google and clck on the 1st result, or faling that AO3.

Mpreg is not a typo, it stands 4 Male pregnancy. It is seen in bth fanart and fanfiction, where gay/yaio cuples can have kids cos of mpreg. The resonin chnges frm sitution to situton.

I think ppl like it cos they think it's hawt. And becos you two seem to go 2gether perfectly. Its so obvius to us all.

Whaddya men? I dnt lie bout my name.

Kwl.

Riri xxxXxxxxxXxxxXXxxxx

P.S. They stnd 4 kisses.

* * *

To: J-O-H-N-L-0-C-K

From: SHolmes221B

I appreciate your help.

Good luck with all your future fan-based ventures.

I will not reply to any further messages.

Sherlock Holmes

* * *

_Hey John. – SH_

_John? – SH_

Yes, Sherlock? – JW

_You know we were talking about kids a few weeks ago? – SH_

Uh huh. – JW

_Well, I did some research and some interesting discoveries came to light. – SH_

Discoveries? – JW

_And I just wanted to say that, should the physical impossibility of male pregnancy ever become possible, I would definitely consider having kids with you. – SH_

WHAT? – JW


	61. This Obsession

**Just a 'thank you' for all the overwhelming support after last chapter; you guys are so lovely to me. It's funny to think that, around to months ago; when I'd already written all this stuff, I wasn't sure that I was going to upload it at all! Look how far we've come! Anyway, I try to keep everything as fresh and semi-canon like as possible, though I'll have to make a decision about the boys' relationship development at ****_some _****point. That's later on though.**

**I hope you continue to enjoy reading this fic, I'll do my damndest to upload as much as possible. I've still got over 50 pages of the stuff, I just copy and paste them in order every day after editing them! My point being; there's so much more to come!**

**Keep any suggestions coming too~**

* * *

Sherlock's acting kinda strange. – JW

_Care to explain that statement, Dr. Watson? – MH_

He keeps speaking gibberish, at least, I think that's what it is. – JW

_What is he saying? – MH_

I'm not quite sure. – JW

From what I can gather, he keeps talking about 'shipping' and 'yaoi' and this weird word, I think it's called 'mpreg'. – JW

_His email. – MH_

_Ask him about his email. – MH_

* * *

You never deleted those fan-mails, did you? – JW

_From my email account; yes. – SH_

_From my hard drive; no. – SH_

Dear god, Sherlock. – JW

Why? – JW

_It's really quite interesting, John, this obsession they have. – SH_

Fine, just don't get me involved. – JW

_Wouldn't dream of it. – SH_


	62. Emotional Stuff

Hey, little brother, how's it going? – HW

_Harry? – JW_

_I'm fine, how are you? – JW_

Look, I just wanted to say sorry for the whole 'Paris' incident. - HW

I really am clean now. – HW

_How long? – JW_

Well, just under a week, but I really feel good about it this time! – HW

_You say that every time. – JW_

_ Look, Harry, it's great that you're trying, but I don't want to get my hopes up too quickly. – JW_

_It's nice to hear from you though. – JW_

_See you soon. – JW_

* * *

_You're sad. – SH_

_ Why are you sad? – SH_

Once again, Sherlock, I'm sitting right next to you. – JW

Why can't you just say these things, rather than texting them? – JW

_It just doesn't work that way, John. – SH_

_Now answer the question. – SH_

It's nothing. – JW

_Of course; it's nothing. – SH_

_For god's sake, John, just answer the damn question. – SH_

Fine. – JW

Harry's been in touch. – JW

_And? – SH_

And? – JW

_What's wrong with that? - SH_

_Shouldn't you be happy? – SH_

I guess. – JW

It just makes me sad to see how things have changed. – JW

_What do you mean? – SH_

When we were kids, she was my parents' pride and joy. Even after she came out. – JW

It's funny, but I wish things could've stayed that way. – JW

Sherlock? – JW

_Sorry. – SH_

_I'm not good with the emotional stuff. – SH_

_I wish I could help. – SH_

It's fine, it doesn't matter. – JW

What do you want for dinner? – JW

_Let's go out for dinner. – SH_

_It'll be easier. – SH_

I'd like that. – JW

Thank you, Sherlock. – JW

_See you later, John. – SH_


	63. It's not a date!

__**Sorry! It's been a long time since I updated; guess I just got nervous about living up to all your expectations. I promise I'll try and update more often. Thanks to everyone who stuck with the fic, especially ****_Teamo-Seto, _****who you can thank for this new, albeit short, chapter. I hope you're all well and please don't forget that you can request anything!**

* * *

_Have you bought the ring yet? – MH_

What ring? – SH

_For the engagement, I'm assuming that your proposal will be coming soon. – MH_

What are you going on about, Mycroft? – SH

_Well, seeing as you two have finally consented and are going on a date, I assumed we'd be hearing the announcement soon. – MH_

I'm going to turn off my phone now. – SH

* * *

_How's the shoulder? – GL_

Okay. – JW

It's good to be home though. – JW

_Want to go out to the pub tonight? - GL_

I would, but I'm already out with Sherlock. – JW

_Ooh, a date? – GL_

Of course not! – JW

I just didn't really feel like cooking tonight. – JW

_But you guys always have fun together, right? – GL_

Yes, but that's not what dating's all about. – JW

_Why not? – GL_

It's not that simple! – JW

_Why can't it be that simple? – GL_

_John? – GL_

I'm turning my phone off now. – JW

* * *

**Something that's really touched me is the comments noting how 'canon' the story is. I know I've flirted with the idea of making the fic a blatant Johnlock fic but, for now, I'm going to keep it ambiguous until I make a final decision. So, though this chapter in particular may lean slightly more towards Johnlock, others will lean towards a more platonic relationship. I'll try and keep a balance, just like in the canon. After all, even if you don't ship the pairing, you must admit that they have an extremely intimate relationship, though perhaps not in a romantic sense.**

**See you all soon~!**


	64. No pizza Friday

__**Just a quick note to say 'thank you' for all the support. I'll keep trying to update regularly. c:**

* * *

_We've got a case. – SH_

Scotland Yard? – JW

_Ten minutes. – SH_

I'll be there. – JW

* * *

Did you tell them? – MH

_Yes. – GL_

And? – MH

_Sherlock's excited, John's anxious. – GL_

As predicted. – MH

_Hey, do you wanna' get a pint at the pub tonight? – GL_

A... 'pint'? – MH

_Yeah, I thought we could discuss your plans further. – GL_

A 'pint'? – MH

_Um, how about dinner instead then? – GL_

Well, I suppose I am free tonight. – MH

I'll pick you up at seven? – MH

_See you there, Mycroft. – GL_

* * *

_Mycroft and Lestrade are going out on a date. – SH_

WHAT? – JW

But Lestrade's married! – JW

_Separated, actually. – SH_

Still, you must've got it wrong. There's no way they could be dating! – JW

How do they even know each other? – JW

_You're not the only person Mycroft uses to keep tabs on me, John. – SH_

Fine, but I'm checking with Greg. – JW

* * *

Are you on a date with Mycroft? – JW

_God no, I'm still technically married, John! – GL_

_We're just having dinner! – GL_

Sherlock thinks you're dating. – JW

_Well, we're not. – GL_

_We're just friends. – GL_

Good. 'Cause that would just be downright creepy. – JW

_Pint tomorrow night? – GL_

Eight? The Speckled Hen? – JW

_Great. – GL_

See you then. – JW

* * *

They're not dating. – JW

_Of course not. – SH_

No, seriously, Sherlock; they're not dating! – JW

_If you say so. – SH_

Fine. – JW

Be stubborn. – JW

No pizza Friday. – JW

_But John~! – SH_

No. – JW

I'm putting my foot down. – JW

Goodnight, Sherlock. – JW

_Goodnight. – SH_


	65. The 'Sherlock Holmes is dead' thing

**Aaaand, cue the Reichenbach Fall feels. This stuff will be poppin' up a lot more now.**

* * *

_Hey. – GL_

_Hey. – GL_

_Heyyyy, Jawwn. – GL_

Yes, Lestrade. – JW

_I wanna' ask yooo summin. – GL_

How many pints? – JW

_Four. – GL_

I thought as much. – JW

_Did yooo 2 eva talk bout what happned? – GL_

What do you mean? – JW

_Y'know, the hole 'Sherlock Holmes iss dead' thingg. – GL_

Look, Greg, it's not really relevant right now. – JW

Besides, we're super busy with all these Moriarty sightings. – JW

_I think yoooo shud talk bout it. – GL_

_It hurt yoo. – GL_

_A lot. – GL_

_He needs to know. – GL_

_Jawn? – GL_

_Jawwwn? – GL_

* * *

_23__rd__ June 2012_

_ I'll probably never look at this again; it all feels really quite pointless. Then again, if my therapist thinks it might help, I'm willing to give it a try._

_It's been a week since... the incident. I moved out of the flat and decided to stay with Harry for a while. Well, that makes it sound better than it was. I had nowhere else to go; no means and certainly was not in an appropriate state of mind to find somewhere else. Regardless, things aren't going well. Mrs. Hudson keeps begging me to come back, at least to sort out all of his belongings, a duty which Mycroft seems to have abandoned. I don't think I can face it though, not now, not ever._

_ Like I said, it's only been a week, but it feels like it's been years. Time goes so slowly here._

_I haven't been out of Harry's flat for days; the media attention hasn't really died down enough yet for that. I've just been lying on the couch for days on end, without the TV or the radio or any sort of electrical device on at all. His face is all over the news, all over the papers; his name is on everyone's lips, the subject of every gossip magazine and I can't bear it. It seems that my lack of exposure to the public has only served to fuel more rumours as well. Of course, staying inside so much hasn't been healthy, I know that. Drinking the amount I have been isn't healthy either, I know that too. But I just can't seem to stop._

_I've still been... __**seeing **__things. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, the alcohol or just the grief seeping in, but I keep seeing __**him**__. It's nothing direct, no talking or anything, he's just there: on the couch with my laptop, in the kitchen eating my food, looking into his microscope at the dining table. The hallucinations rarely last longer than a few seconds and they seem to be getting fewer and fewer as time goes by, but that seems to be affecting me badly as well; I don't want to forget him. The media and paparazzi will forget him as soon as the next scandal surfaces, but I won't. I don't want to._

_I was sitting on the sofa yesterday and, when I looked up, he was sitting opposite me, smiling. Smiling with that special curve of the lips he saves only for those rare moments; the semi-smug expression that lets you know you've done something right. It didn't end well. No wonder Harry thinks I'm going mad; that's why she keeps sending me back to see my therapist._

_This... it's just all becoming too much. I can't keep going on like this. Mycroft sent me a tape a few days ago, the bastard. He's been tapping into my phone and managed to record our last conversation. I tried to listen to it, just the once, but it was too much. God, I was so oblivious, how could I not have known? How could he have done that to me? How did I let him?_

_I miss him. I miss him so much._

_I miss my best friend._

_I miss Sherlock Holmes._

* * *

_What are you doing? – SH_

Just looking through some old stuff. – JW

Any luck with the witness? – JW

_No, he's a bumbling fool. – SH_

_Care to come round and help me a bit? – SH_

Of course. Give me ten minutes. – JW

_See you there. – SH_

* * *

**All dates will be taken from John's Blog/The Canon. c:**

**Once again, thanks for all the amazing support. I'll keep trying!**


	66. Sober Apologies

_Hey, John. – GL_

_Sorry about last night, I was way too drunk. – GL_

It's fine, Greg. – JW

_Y'know, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. – GL_

No, you were right. – JW

It is about time we talked about it. – JW

I've just got to find the right time. - JW

_Well, good luck. – GL_

_Tell me how it goes. – GL_

I will. – JW

Nosy. – JW

_Love you too, dear. – GL_

Hm. – JW


	67. Three Little Things

**Gah~ It's been a while, sorry! To make up for it, here's super long chapter!**

* * *

Any progress? – JW

_None. – SH_

Shame. Well, it's getting late. – JW

We should probably go to bed soon. – JW

_Later, I need to finish this experiment tonight. – SH_

Okay, well, I'm going to have a shower now. – JW

Do you need anything else to eat? – JW

_No I'm fine. – SH_

Okay, goodnight then. – JW

_Goodnight, John. – SH_

* * *

_Dear Sherlock,_

_ Once again, this project from Ella feels pretty pointless; after all, you'll never get to read this letter. Still, I couldn't say these things aloud, so it's probably good that I get them out on paper. I feel like an idiot though._

_ It's been two weeks; it's the 30__th__ of June already. Your name was in the paper again today, I didn't bother to read the article though. Mrs. Hudson keeps getting angry with the paparazzi; she'll get sued for assault one of these days. She threw a can of tuna at them the other day, that didn't go down well._

_ I haven't been back to the flat for over a week now, Mrs. Hudson's not sure what to do with all your stuff, Mycroft doesn't seem to be helping either. He's been in touch a few times, visited the grave. He says he's sorry. I believe him, but I don't know if I'm ready to forgive him yet. If it wasn't for him, none of this would have happened._

_ I still don't believe any of the stories, any of the articles. I'll never believe it. You were my friend, my best friend; I believe in you. You never were and never will be a fraud. I'll fight the tabloids for the rest of my life if I have to._

_ You'd probably tell me off for saying all these things, luckily you'll never know. Still, I can't help hoping that, one day, you might come home. I don't think it's properly hit yet that that will never happen. I keep expecting you to just waltz back through the door, spewing some ridiculous facts about a new case. It'll never happen, but I live in hope._

_ The main reason I've been forced to write this letter, is to say the things that I didn't get to. Unfortunately, I don't think I have the time or the patience to note them all down here, so I'll just write down the important ones._

_ Firstly, I meant what I said earlier: I'll always believe in you. You were the most human human ever. I never really got to say how much you meant to me and, what's more, thank you for how much you did for me. You saved me. And for that I can't thank you enough._

_ Secondly, I won't ever forget, even if everyone else does. I will go back to the flat one day, I will sort out all your stuff and, I suppose, I'll try to move on but I won't ever forget. You were important to me, you still are. I'll never forget._

_ Finally, I miss you. God, I could never say that one out loud, but it's true. I haven't left Harry's flat for over a week now, I can't remember the last time I saw another real human face. God, I miss the exhilaration and the danger, even all the running. I miss being excited when I wake up, I miss the busyness of life, even the arguing. And, though it hurts to remember it all, I know I'll never forget it. Those two months... they were the best time of my life._

_Rest in Peace,_

_Your friend,_

_Doctor John Watson_

* * *

_I thought you were going to bed. – SH_

I was. Just got caught up in some old therapy projects. – JW

How's the experiment? – JW

_Nearly done. – SH_

_You should go to sleep. – SH_

Sorry, I didn't realise you'd turned into my mother. – JW

_You'll be incredibly grumpy tomorrow morning if you don't go to bed in the next hour. – SH_

Fine, fine. – JW

I'm going to bed. – JW

_Goodnight, John. – SH_

* * *

__**There's so much more to come, seriously!**

**Loads more 'therapy projects' too~ ;D**

**See you guys soon; hope you're all well.**


	68. It's Harry

**... Happy New Year?**

* * *

How is he? – HW

_Fine, as far as I know. – MH_

It's a shame that the whole Barbados scheme never came to fruition. – HW

_What do you mean? – MH_

_There was plenty of progress that came from that 'scheme'. – MH_

Sorry, did they announce the wedding already? – HW

_Well, no. – MH_

We can't stop here! We have to keep going! – HW

_What do you mean 'we'? – MH_

_So far, it's been all me. – MH_

Fine, it's my go now them. – HW

_Fine, good luck, Harriet. – MH_

It's Harry. – HW

_Whatever. – MH_


	69. Prowess in the Kitchess

**I'm just gonna' spam you with the littler ones...**

* * *

Want to help make lunch? – JW

_Busy, John. – SH_

_Besides, I own no prowess whatsoever in the kitchen. – SH_

Then I can teach you! – JW

_No, John. – SH_

Please? – JW

Sherlock? – JW

_I'm coming. – SH_


	70. The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

**This should be the last one, for today.**

* * *

_How is he? – MH_

Currently; he's playing his violin. – JW

I think it's something new. – JW

_Major or minor? – MH_

Major. – JW

_Excellent. – MH_

* * *

Stop texting John. – SH

_Jealous? – MH_

No. – SH

He lives with me, why would I be jealous? – SH

_You are a tad possessive at times, aren't you, little brother? – MH_

Just stop, otherwise I'll make you. – SH

_Fine. – MH_

_See you soon, Sherlock. – MH_


	71. The Ultimate Weakness

_Hey John, how are you? – GL_

I'm good, how are you? – JW

_I'm okay; finalising the divorce with the wife. – GL_

Oh, sorry. – JW

_It's fine, it's been a long time coming. – GL_

_Anyway, how'd that talk with Sherlock go? – GL_

Uh... it didn't exactly. – JW

_Why not? – GL_

I... I just found some old letters and journal entries from back then. – JW

It reminded me how weak I was. – JW

I guess I just don't want to go back to that. – JW

_You don't have to. – GL_

_He needs to understand, John. – GL_

_It'll bother you until you do it, trust me. – GL_

_John? – GL_

Fine. – JW

I'll do it. – JW

_Good boy, now go feed your husband. – GL_

Do shut up Greg. – JW

_Sorry, sorry. – GL_


	72. Fanmail

_We should really open up some of that fanmail at some point. – SH_

Why on earth would we ever do that? – JW

_Some of it contains cases for us to looks over. – SH_

_Presents too. – SH_

_John? – SH_

_John? – SH_

I'm coming. – JW

* * *

_Dear Johnlock,_

_ You guys are so cute! Like, unbelievably cute. I doubt you'll ever read this, so I'll keep it short and sweet. I've attached a small drawing and two dolls that I made; they're supposed to be you two! Good luck with all your future cases; I can't wait to read about them!_

_Lots of love,_

_Rachel_

* * *

What is 'Johnlock'? – JW

_It's the name of our pairing. – SH_

What? – JW

_It's what the fans call us as a couple. – SH_

Oh. Okay. – JW

I'll write a reply. - JW

* * *

Dear Rachel,

Thank you very much for your kind letter. I've put your dolls up in the kitchen, they're very cute, and you're very talented. It's a shame they're attached at the hands, otherwise we could've kept them in our respective rooms.

I'm very glad that you enjoy the blog; keep an eye out for our next case!

Many thanks,

John Watson

* * *

_You shouldn't encourage them. – SH_

Why not? – JW

Those dolls were really cute! – JW

_You can be so feminine sometimes, John. – SH_

You can be so childish sometimes, Sherlock. – JW

_Touché. – SH_

_Goodnight, John. – SH_

* * *

**If you have some fanmail for Johnlock, just drop me a PM or review!**


	73. The 'Moriarty Map'

__**I just realised that I don't thank you guys enough at all so, thank you. I mean, we reap in over 800 views ****_a chapter_****! And that's steadily growing.**

**So, thank you to those of you who review and, equally, thanks to you who don't, but still bother to read these silly little things!**

* * *

_John. I have a question for you. – SH_

Well, I can't say I'm surprised. – JW

You've been full of questions recently. – JW

Anyway, what's brought this one on? – JW

_Oh, you know, I was just browsing through some letters and emails. – SH_

Okay, what is it then? – JW

_Am I attractive? – SH_

_John? – SH_

Sorry, what? – JW

_Am I attractive? - SH_

I don't... - JW

I mean, I'm not... - JW

Why are you even asking? - JW

_Well, as I said before, I was looking through some fan-mail and noticed that fans often compliment our appearances. – SH_

What do they say? – JW

_Usually, they call you 'cute' or 'sweet', I'm usually 'sexy' or 'handsome'. – SH_

Why do I have to be the cute one? I was a soldier for God's sake! – JW

_Don't shoot the messenger, John. – SH_

_ Anyway, it got me thinking; I've never been complimented on my appearance before. – SH_

And? – JW

_I wanted to know if what they're saying is true. – SH_

_Look, you don't have to get all defensive. I'm not going to read into it. – SH_

_It's not a big deal, John. – SH_

_It doesn't make you gay, if that's what you're worried about. – SH_

Fine. – JW

Yes, you are physically attractive. – JW

Happy now? – JW

_Extremely. – SH_

Tea'll be ready in a few minutes; are you nearly done with your 'Moriarty Map'? – JW

_Yes, I'll be there in five minutes. – SH_

Good. – JW


	74. The Screenplay

We have a message on the answer machine. – JW

_From who? – SH_

Some 'big time Hollywood director'. – JW

_What does he want? – SH_

He's sent us a screenplay. He wants to make a movie about us. – JW

_No. – SH_

It's big money, Sherlock. – JW

_I'm a 'private' detective John, remember? – SH_

_We both know how detrimental public image can be. – SH_

I suppose. – JW

_Let's discuss it later. – SH_

Fine. – JW

Don't be late home if you want dinner. – JW

_Of course not, mother. – SH_


End file.
